missrenie: (Default)

6969 Bliss Street
Hornyville, Cali-fornication
Just out-side of reality USA

Dear Irene:

I know you're thinking about it. 
Despite the fact that a few months/ weeks/ days/ hours (please circle one) ago you swore you wouldn't.
Remember last time  ________/________/_______(insert date)

You spent Day 1: unable to work effectively because you were too busy shivering uncontrollably and  in ecstasy.  Not only did you forget to do several key things essential  to your job, you also got to work late because of exhaustion. This caused ________________  (insert name(s) here) to mock you.

You spent Day 2 &3
: unable work or shut the hell up.  Every other word that came out of your mouth was____________________ this __________________ that  (insert name here).  You also smiled like a lunatic and vastly annoyed everyone in you immediate vacinity . This caused ________________  (insert name(s) here) to mock you.

You spent Day 4: in a pathetic downward spiral... now unable to work because of depression laced with horny-ness and had to avoid anything that sounded remotely like Jill Scott, Frank Sinatra, Macy Gray, Dave Matthews, Portis Head, Norah Jones, Within Temptation or Dana Krall which is fucktastically inconvenient since this comprises most of your musical collection.  You also gave yourself a headache from smacking your head against the steering wheel of your car in utter dismay at yourself and your actions.  This caused two little blue haired refuges from the old folks home, and one incredibly hot unknown to look at you like you were crazy.

You spent Day 5: clawing your way out of yesterday's downward spiral by listening to Punk Rock and Fuck You music which surprisingly included Within Temptation.  You gave yourself a headache from the multitudinous of overtly stereotypical neck snaps complete with eye rolling while you envisioned yourself telling _________________ (insert name here) why he/she (please circle one) is a total____________, _____________, ____________ (please use other side for more space) son/ daughter/ both  of a motherless goat.  This also caused ___________________ to mock you.

On Day 6:  you successfully achieved normality and swore never to do it again. 

And you're going to do it again aren't you?
Bless your sad simple horny heart.

Here are the rules.

#1           Do take it with a grain of salt
#2           Do remember your worth and your power
#3           Do enjoy yourself safely as always
#4           Do demand what you want
#5           Do let go
#6           And what ever you do Don’t fall… it's not love, it's not like, it's chemical.  That does not mean it 
               doesn't feel great.  It means it's like indigestion... the feeling will pass on through soon enough

Break rule #6 only in case of extreme emergency
And this isn’t an emergency.


Love you more than anyone else can,

Ms Common Sense
General Manager of the More Sensible Voices in Your Head.
Overlooked Co-Chair of the Pussy Power Brigade

missrenie: (Default)

Me:      I wanna chat with -----   but I don't know if I should
            I think I will just stay hidden from him


Kris:    is he on?


Me:      yep


Kris :   do you think that maybe he might think you're avoiding him?


Me:      snap monkey I wouldn't want that
            im ignoring Jim not him
            I'm just afraid of being like hi hi hi hi and he really not interested and all that fire cracking was on my   
            side and not his


Kris:    then you type "sup"


Me:      lol
            okay I can do that
            it can't be only  on my side he was so intense
            im over thinking
            besides its just fun right
            just fun
            fuck it I have to just say that over and over again


Kris:    why are you being like me 2 years ago?


Me:      karma, karma being the little bitch whore she is
            anyway  should I put a smiley face behind the sup?
            or should I not
            or should I say hey you since sup is so leet speak
            or should I say sup you?

            wtf is wrong with me
            was it that good that I am stupid
            did you hear that
            I just slapped myself
           maybe that gave me a bit more sense


            you're pissing me off and I'm going to have to fucking slap you tomorrow


Me:      i typed in hiyah
            its my compromise


Kris:    ok


Me:      this is crazy
            god damnt you know what I am getting a vibrator and calling it a fuckin day
            I swear
            I am not allowed to date
            this is turning me stupid
            fuck men
            fuck women too
            I’m going to be a nun from now on


Kris:    yeah ok
            that won't last


Me:     hey can we trade the honesty for a little support here!
           Seriously next time I go out with anyone im wearing my cast iron drawers…well unless its Mr Studd


Kris:    yeah he's cute
            freaky but cute
            and that's how Christian Bale was in American Psycho


Me:      cute and freaky?


Kris:    and scary with a fucking saw


Me:      well thanks for ruining Mr Studd FOUREV’ERRRR
             this is that honesty thing again isn't it?
             I see what you did there


Kris:    safety before pleasure




missrenie: (Default)

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