You think you can do these things, but you just can't, Irene!!
So Thursday night I had a date. Which I canceled because I was super emotional and hyper horny and if I went out on said date I would just end up crying on his shoulder or fucking him and that is no way to begin a relationship with someone that I don't even really like in the first place.
So Q being the darling that he is had the perfect solution which involved a trip to San Francisco, a bar on Castro apply named The Bar, and the meeting of a man named Louis.
First off driving into the city at night is a glorious thing, if you're not driving. The nite brite lights, the mosh of music, the open individuality of the people, the steep ass hills that either make you feel like you're on a rollercoaster and/or give you vertigo... I've been there several times before but for some reason last night felt like the first time. There was all this excitement. I felt like a virgin on prom night. My exact words as I peered out of the window were "Omg I feel like a huge clitoris"
We parked two blocks away from our destination and made our way down hill to The Bar. Q advised me to watch my step but I was so intrigued by the vinyl padded walls that I didn't… I stumbled through the entrance, into the padded wall and fell immediately in love.
Three drinks later I was all sorts of sheets to the wind and involved in deep conversation with Louis who I love now too.
"You have to be who you are. You have to own who you are." He said as he held both my hands. "You're in a stage right now and you are figuring yourself out and that is beautiful, you are beautiful. I see you. I can see you right now. What I see is wonderful."
And then he told me things. All the dark things, all the sad things, all the happy things, all the wonderful things, and he spoke with confidence because he wasn't speaking to me as much as the Universe was speaking to me through him.
We understood that
We understood each other.
We had synchronicity
We had vodka
"You're perfect and I'm validating you," he said as he looked into my eyes "so you can now validate yourself and someone else. You no longer need anyone else to validate you, because you're perfect and God loves you and I love you and you love you. We're family now you and me. You have my card now and if you don't call me or contact me the next time I see you and I will see you again, I will call you all sorts of bitches"
Despite the fact that
-I am limping a bit from dancing on my turned ankle
-will probably not be able to drink cranberry or pineapple juice for a month
-typing the word vodka is masochistic in nature
-And my stomach feels like it's full of lead…even though I know its empty for obvious reasons that I won't go into.
I feel wonderful, whole, free, complete and perfect.
Because I got what I needed what I was searching for not just in the past few months but the past few years. During the course of the night between dancing, drinking and discourse Louis gave me a book mark and what was written on it changed my life just as much as massage school did, just as much as playing the Moaner did.
Thank you Q and K for taking me out last night. And driving me home since I was a drunk, snoring mess by the end of it.
And thank you Louis for taking the time to connect with me, to share with me, to see me...you are a wonderful, divine and perfect person. All my love to you.
Nothing from without can touch the
Perfect Life of The Divine within me
No past experience has power over me
I am a perfect child of The Divine
And nothing that anyone has ever done or said
can interfere with my divine inheritance.
The power of The Divine is greater than any circumstance in my life.
The strength of The Divine is mine to use.
Turning away from all feelings of inadequacy,
I discover that all that I need is within me right now.
As I forgive the past, I find that I have
nothing to atone for,
nothing to run away from.
Casting off the old me,
I discover my true Self
I take dominion in my life,
Old habits have no power over me
Conditions have no power over me
Personalities have no power over me
I take dominion!
I am whole.
I am free.
I am complete.
Now and forever more
And so it is.
~Adapted from Your Needs Met, by Jack Addington