missrenie: (Default)

 "You're like catnip for crazy people"

Dre made this comment to me a while  ago and I tried to deny it.  But as the months go by I realize again and again that she was correct…. as usual I might add.

 

I start to wonder if it is because I am crazy myself. 

It bothers me

I used to think that I was crazy but a friend told me once that if you think you may be crazy that shows that you are sane enough to not actually be crazy.

 

Sane enough….

 

Last night during another pathetic attempt to get off before I fell asleep with bob whirling again (total fucking waste of batteries that is) I mentally replayed  minor incidents that happened over the last couple of days.  I concluded right before I came that “theeeeey” were off their rockers.  And as I drifted off into peaceful release ridden slumber I thought “wow sucks to be the only completely sane person in this particular barrel of apples”

 

Sane enough…

So have I run out of sanity?

 

Right now I am struggling with this concept… the un-comfort of believing that I am a truly sane individual.  I think it is plain dangerous.

 

Or maybe I only feeeeeeel sane because for the past year I have been “Catnip” for crazy people. … surrounded by them! You know strangers that sniff me and sigh in delight, 20 something virgins that kiss me  cum in their pants and then run away in embarrassment,   hopeful  lost ones who think I can show them the door to their own awesomeness, stalkers that call me a drug they can’t get out of their system… how Twilight~~~

 

I’m not complaining…. life is anything but boring.

 

Yesterday a really nice looking gentleman approached me and asked me out.  He seemed “normal”  He smelled nice. 

 

I asked him very politely if he was crazy.  He said that he wasn’t.   I assured him that he was and if he wasn’t dating me would soon make him crazy.

 

He asked if I were crazy

I told him that I might be

 

He asked if it were a problem

I said it might be

 

He said he was up for the challenge.

I laughed

 

He asked me on a date again

I told him I don’t date (l really wanted to tell him that we were all stocked up on crazy for the next 365 and to try again next year)

 

He asked me why

I told him that I seem to only attract crazy people these days… or sane people that turn crazy around me so I took myself off the market.

 

He said that was very thoughtful of me.

I told him I was a thoughtful person.

 

I almost gave him the e-mail….

He was wearing old spice.

I have a weakness for the old spice.  It reminds me of flannal and Brawny paper towels and christmas and hunter provider with an after 5 stubble on a Gaston-nesque chin.

 


But I was strong

Besides I am pretty sure that he was crazy…

 

Or maybe I am….

 

 

 

 

Naaaaaaah!

 
missrenie: (Default)
 



Dre dropped the book infront of me while I sat twisting my unkempt locs back into some sort of reasonable neatness.  It’s been a long time since I have inquired as to just why she gives me something to read/do.  Everything she seems to point out to me has been relevant.  It is as if the universe sends me messages that I too busy fucking around to notice and she has the lovely inclination to grab my head and twist my neck so that I stop and take a look see. 

I was quite resistant the first few times.  But after a while I realized that this process is a lot less painful if I just accept it. 

This time  it is a book on birthdays and astrology.  I open it up to age 27 & 28 and I am blown away, caught up in a feeling a overwhelming relief and warmed by a deep sense of connection to the vast universe around me.

This wild trip through the rabbit hole, this turmoil between healer and hedonist, this casting off of my old self and creation of the new, this painful passing, isolation, insomnia, this fit of exhibitionism, excitement, acceptance, all the serendipity of the last few months, all this death and rebirth, every glorious bit of greatness and gore that has been astronomical is merely astrological.

Saturn Returns… with a fucking vengeance I might add and with it comes cleansing, purification, manifestation, actualization, maturity, responsibility and the confidence to live the life appropriate for me on my terms and no one else’s. 
It has meant the ending of old relationships,
180 to 359 high speed shifts in perception
So far it’s been humiliating and humbling,
exotic and empowering
and if I am correctly informed a completely normal part of the growing process.

As chaos of my 27th year winds up to the adventure of the 28th I am ever so excited to see what Life has in store because for a while there Life was giving it to me hard…
full on  bent over the barrel without the lube hard.  I’ve recently bitch slapped her, flipped the script and taken top and now...

now we are in madly, absolutely, positively in love
and pregnant with beautiful expectant possibility~~

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Mx Rawiyah

November 2011

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