It's not that serious

I must be feeling better
I have to be.
I know this because I want to strangle my inner child.

As I lay in bed this morning watching the sunlight ooze through my venetian blinds the little bitch started in on me.
Weapon of choice: Show Tunes. 
I hate it when she sings show tunes.

By time I roll off the futon she is halfway through The Sun'll come out Tomorrow.

Much to my dismay I found myself skipping around the house humming Heart don't fail me now, courage don't dissert me from Anastasia
The drive to work was accompanied by Mulan’s To Be a Man… changed to To Be a Single Woomannnnn
And as I made coffee I was fucking Sleeping Beauty singing a disturbing & raunchy rendition of Someday my prince/princess will come

It's not even nine o'clock yet and my inner child has joined forces with my inner teenager.  We’re into pop now… Destiny’s Child Survivor.  Even the inner doom-cookie- goth-light- wannabe  is starting to chime in with Within Temptation’s Stand my Ground.

 It’s a god damn, girl scout, gurl pop, pussy power campfire in my head and the inner victim has not been invited… actually she can’t even be found.

 I looked for her since she’s really good at shutting the other voices down.  She usually unleashes a flood of tears in biblical proportions that drowns everyone but the little heifer is mysteriously mia.

 This works out just fine for the inner hedonist whose wailing I Don’t Give a Damn About My Reputation/ One girl Revolution(Battle Mix)/ Fuck Yeah while swinging the inner child by her pigtails 

(le sigh)

It’s going to be a long day

But at least it will be a good one


~~thanks Kwame :)

I was a bad girl at lunch to day. Instead of having a perfectly good salad that I made myself of organic vegetables, greens, micro green and organic fruits and such I went out for a sandwich on processed sourdough bread with chicken that has also been processed and sauce that came from god knows where and probably genetically modified onions and tomatoes. I determined that I was only going to eat half ... but when I looked down the whole thing was gone.

“What a disgrace what a failure” the parent voice reprimanded

“What happened.. Oh no.. my addictions they overpowered me.. I will never be free” wept the inner victim

“Damn skippy I ate it... and it was fuckin good too bitches” the not so hidden hedonist added without prompting

“We can overcome this... gurll power!!!” the optimistic co-president of the pussy power brigade shouted waving a small banner and alternating between pink and purple neon pom poms.

This incited the others to sudden violence
They attacked her... it was quite a ganking
“We must suffer for our actions” The ex-catholic parent raged

“Aye me what a whore you are false hope” the inner victim cried while raining blows... which missed because of the tears

“Your fucking annoying”stated the hedonist (coincidentally the other co-president of the pussy power brigade... she's been looking to stage a coupe for some time now)

After the beating they were all quite worn out... not to mention thirsty
“Lets get some starbucks to celebrate my new reign” the new acting president said
and to starbucks we went
quite against my will I assure you
What's wrong with starbuck's one might ask?
Well aside from promoting slave like conditions in other countries,
not providing their US workers with a living wage,
killing the coffee house scene for all of us “transcendental- tortured artistic souls” ,
creating a way for the sheep of society to feel good about themselves by convincing them their coffee is culture, class, character in a cup and mass producing a highly addictive substance... they are completely and utterly over priced... and I do agree with Foamy the Squirrel on this one bit of wisdom.

http://www.illwillpress.com/vault.html (Small, medium, large)

So there I was in line with a nervous tick in my left eye.
“What can I get for you today” the forced peppy metro-sexual barista asked trying to avoid looking into my left eye.
“Venti java chip frappucino with one squirt mint hold the whip cream extra drizzle” I stammered as the acting president whipped her hands on her leather pants with a satisfied smirk after finally taking down the bisexual freedom fighter who was totally caught off guard because she was taking a nap.
Ten minutes later I was back at my desk, sipping my frap, shivering in ecstasy and brain freeze when the dethroned co-president made a startling and triumphant return assisted by her little cohort common sense.

“Just because you did one thing wrong doesn't mean the whole day was a waste, don't you see your on the edge woman step back from the edge!!!!”

The parental voice chimed in with demeaning approval “that coffee is like dessert and no dessert without eating your vegetables first”

“And starbucks sucks dude where are your principles, where is your pride” sputtered the battered bisexual freedom fighter limping to center stage

The inner victim was no help at all she just cowered in the corner

What happened next looked pretty odd I am sure.
I took the lid off of the cup and tilted it over the trash can ready to pour it out
but found myself taking a gulp
I tried again
damn same results
okay third time the charm
and it was
and down it went
into the trash can and with it went the not so hidden hedonist like golum after the ring of power...
But she'll be back she is co-president after all.