It's not that serious

Twin brother arrives... let the harassment begin

“Irene honey I want you to know that your brother is a dick.”
the low voice growled across the answering machine and if I didn’t get it clear the first time... being so early in the morning as it was the statement was repeated “Your brother a dick an absolute dick!” I groaned. She was understandably a little put out.

“Honey get me the phone” I mumbled rolling over onto my back. Terick reached over and grabbed the phone. Then settled back in next to me. Totally undisturbed. He was used to me and my family She was in the middle of her third reiteration about my brother more penile qualities by time I had pressed the cold receiver to my ear.

“Good morning mother.”

“Irene?”

“Yes mother”
There was a long pause on the other end of the line “Your brother is a dick.”
Although I hate to admit it a smile spread across my lips cracking the dry skin. I winced in pain waking myself up even more. That’s what I get I guess smiling at a time like this.

“Ohhhhh I see he told you”

“Beverly is pregnant”

“Yes I know I was going to tell you myself the second day of the second trimester if he didn’t tell you himself. At least he told you this time... unlike the wedding.”

“Do you have to go to work today”

“Yes”

“I don’t want to hold you up honey”

“No worries mama. I have half an hour before I have to get dressed. Go ahead and speak your piece”
She started to say something and then stopped tried again and stopped. Its a rare instance that stuns my mother to silence and stuttering

“It’s okay mama let it out.”

And she did in a torrent that I could barely understand. By the Gods she was pissed. My mother is a
remarkable woman. We were dirt poor growing up but she raised us as if we were aristocrats. Proper poise, procedure, and pronunciation, excellent education and manners. I resisted her attempts to turn me into a southern lady for years. She is a sharp and calculating magnificent creature who rarely loses her composure even when she is tanning your hide so it was a bit unnerving to hear her grammar and enunciation slip. Clearly her calm was disturbed.

“Your brother is a dick. I’ve told him so to his face. An im tellin him again right now. I don’t talk behind peoples back you know.”

“Joe’s there?”

“I’m looking right at his dumb ass now”

“Well tell him I said good morning”

“Tee and Aunt Aggie were so mad when I told them.” I looked over at the clock. My brother had dropped the news early in the morning. Even though they were two hours ahead of me the digital glow screen had just blinked to 7:01... which mean she probably caught my aunt and great aunt in the middle of rosary...

“They had to stop their rosary to cuss Beverly out and then started again to pray for that poor baby... Your brother is an idiot!”. Cuss Beverly out... just Beverly? “I can’t believe your brother let that happen, “ she continued “She came over on her lunch break Irene... her lunch break. What did he think was happening... she just seduces him and trapps him“

”Ohhh... right... mum I told Joe over and over to wear a condom. But he never listens I think he wanted this to happen as much as she did. He said to me that God works in mistrious ways. To which I replied- That has nothing to do God that this is between him, her and a condom that was not there but should have been. You see mother Bev told Joe that she was not on birth control.”

“Hmmm” her voice came up an octave. Some of the anger had dissipated with the new revelation “Oh yeah”

“There are two sides to the story”

“I see, I was not told that... I’m going to have to let that marinate in my mind for a while”

“Bev may have not been the best wife... and she is confused right now. She has a lot of drama in her past you know. And is probably a drama addict because she has never had to live without it. But she is not a malicious woman from what I can tell. I’ll not have Joseph scandalize her name like that. I can’t believe he would do the same thing to her as was done to you by not speaking the truth”

“I was going to slap Beverly pregnant or not when I saw her next.” her voice came up another octave. She was still upset but she was regaining her composure. “Joseph did not tell me that he knew that she was not on birth control... thank you for telling me”

She slowed her words deliberately. I knew she was facing my brother. Her right hand on her right hip. Her weight shifted onto her left leg. Head at a tilt and eyebrows that were naturally arched coming clear off her forehead and almost into her hair line. My brother would have an “oh shit” expression in response that would either turn angry because I had rated him out or turn into a sheepish grin because he had been caught. Never could quite tell with him. But as a woman I could not let Beverly be slandered by silence even though I had to out my own brother in the process. He was not the idiot... well he was but not for the reasons my mother thought him to be at least.

“I cant believe this I asked him if they were getting back together and he said I dont know which probably means yes... he’ll be cooking and cleaning for her again and that baby he will never finish school.”

“I already spoke with him on that mama. I told him that he has to figure out his own worth and that Bev is going to have to pull her weight... He may be stronger than we think. This child may bring that out. And besides there is a lot of supportive family. That child will be just fine. I guess all we can do is pray” I said remembering vividly what my brother had said less than a week ago about making an exception on praying for him despite me being an atheist -demon worshiper- witch-whatchamacallit person all be it a not pregnant out of wedlock atheist-demon worshiper-witch-whatchamacallit person

“Well thank-you Irene”, she said her composure had finally returned. “Now tell me how is Terick”

At that moment Terick rolled over onto his back having just burped himself awake. “Oh he’s just fine mama. I mean he hasn’t knocked me up or anything. Not even a little”

“Well I just want you to tell him that he is my second favorite child... first being you of course. You’ll have power of attorney. Right now Joe and Bev are four and five... that child is going to be number three” I laughed relived she was coming out of the shock of it all “Yes you have the keys to the kingdom honey.. As a matter of fact Joe and Bev are like ten out of five.... ten! Be sure to tell Terick of his promotion” I did so promptly. He smiled rolling over and putting his head on my stomach.

“Tell your her thank-you and that I am honored”

“He thanks you mother and he is honored”

“Tell my new favorite son that he is very welcome.”

“Mama says your very welcome”

“Well I know you have to get ready for work darling daughter”

“Yes I do darling mother...i’m sorry. I really do enjoy our chats. Please call me tonight when I get home and don’t forget to tell the other family members about Joe knowing about Bev not being on birth control”

“Oh I shan’t... Joe says you should be thanking him for boosting your position” Her voice was light again filled with laughter at the entire situation. And I realized how very much like my mother I am. We both react or rather over react to adversity and then it takes a rather wicked turn to comedy. We are often mistaken for being cold hearted and insensitive when it is the exact opposite.

“Tell him that I am sorry that he had to go to such painful extremes but that I am beholden to him and much obliged”

She almost giggled then. “Alright honey”

“Alright mama. I love you both.”

“We love you too”

I clicked the phone to off and sighed wrapping my arms around Terick.
“So how does it feel to be in my mother’s good graces”

“It feels wonderful.” Terick replied lazily. “Although we can’t really claim the moral high ground now can we? Not that it matters! It will take a long time for him to crawl back to the top all I have to do is coast.” He was laughing too. He rolled onto his back.

“ I knew this infertility thing would come in handy one day.”

“Wont be forever. We’ll get you right again.” He said rubbing my belly with affection “You’ll make her a proper grandmother too.”

I smiled. Bi-sexual-liberal-Wiccan-black sheep daughter scores one; Conservative- military-straightlaced- son - negative infinity. Yes I rather like starting the morning with a smile. I put my head down on Terick’s chest feeling his heartbeat. Joe and Bev and that baby were going to be just fine. The family would take care of them. Its nice to have something to shoot back at Joe when he reminds mama of my sexual orientation, spiritual preferences and political affinities. I breathed out heavily .

“What’s wrong honey” He whispered tugging on one of my locs

“Absolutely nothing... as a matter of fact it going to be a good day... a very good day.”