missrenie: (Default)

"I have high standards of those I associate with and I expect you to have the same.

Only SELECT people are worthy of your attn.

You are special, and those wishing you to grace their presence should be special too. Don't sell yourself short. XOXO"
~Daddy Dom's response when we spoke about me seriously playing with another Dom



Its crazy because You have told me this in some way shape or form for the better part of a year and it is just now starting to seep in.


It is such a simple concept. 
Such a simple idea. 
But at the same time it is so heavily loaded. 


Somewhere in the course of my life I was taught to believe that I was not worthy, or special, or priceless. 
Somewhere along the course of my life I was taught to take what I could get, to settle, to accept the bird in hand, the cards dealt.

I was taught to yield, kowtow, turn the other cheek, be meek,suffer silently, sing quieter, shine less, shut up and no matter how much I take my clothes off I can't seem to strip that out of me.


I should not be embarrassed at the sound of my own beautifully trained voice echoing back at me from auditorium walls.
I should not be surprised by an appreciative stare as I strut by on wild black stilettos


I should not be so hungry for validation
for a job well done
for an ascetic compliment
for an act of kindness


I know I did well.
I know I am beautiful.
I know I am a good person.
I know that I have earned this person I am today. 


So yeah childhood and church taught me one thing.  And You are teaching me another.


There is conflict between the opposing sides but I am here grabbing hold to Your point of view and trying desperately to pull my self free of this quick sanded trap I've been floating in so precariously for so long.


I feared that if I moved I would drown in arrogance, choke on my own vanity.  But I can see now with this Dawning notion that there is a middle path. 

I'm still frightened though.  Because as You pull me up, as I kick free I can see myself though Your eyes. 
What I see is wonderous vision that is burning itself into me,
what I see keeps me from turning back into the old me,
what I see keeps me moving forward and changing and becoming better.
What I see makes me submit, makes me strong, makes me weak, makes me open, makes me responsible.


Responsible for every action and accountable for every consequence...


What I see through Your eyes is me
As a brilliant shining amazing person of excellence
Who must do brilliant shining amazing things of excellence.


Anything less is unacceptable
Anything less is death



I always understood what Mairanne Williamson said in that famous quote... but because of my experiences with You I can now embody it.  Because of You I can see it for myself.

You will always have my gratitude, my love, my devotion...
Your young lady~~~




"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Mairanne Williamson

Thursday

Mar. 2nd, 2006 12:37 pm
missrenie: (Default)

 

kris: I'm going to invent a gel-touch keyboard for people who have to do alot of data entry cause my fingers are sore and I barely started
Me: there are gel touch keyboards
kris: damn
Me: im going to invent a self spelling correcter keyboard
Me: that you can train
Me: so you never need to learn how to spell
kris: they have software called T9 that does that
Me: shit
kris : lol
Me: :)
kris : I have it on my phone
Me: really... a spell checker on your phone
Me: wait
Me: phones come with spell checkers
Me: but you dont use complete words when tex messaging a phone do you
Me: I mean really
Me: are you messing with my head
Me: you know how easy that is
Me: help the walls are closing in
Me: Im still to embarrased to ask about land sharks
Me: hey hello
Me: im freaking out here
Me: ...
Me: its getting dark
Me: ...
Me: walls closing in
Me: ...
Me: reality warping
kris : what the hell is wrong with you
kris : T9 is a software installed on my phone for text messaging
kris : don't make me come all the way downtown to slap some sense into you
kris : it's Thursday
kris : we're almost there

 

 

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