(no subject)

[missrenie]

"I have high standards of those I associate with and I expect you to have the same.

Only SELECT people are worthy of your attn.

You are special, and those wishing you to grace their presence should be special too. Don't sell yourself short. XOXO"

~Daddy Dom's response when we spoke about me seriously playing with another Dom

Its crazy because You have told me this in some way shape or form for the better part of a year and it is just now starting to seep in.


It is such a simple concept. 
Such a simple idea. 
But at the same time it is so heavily loaded. 


Somewhere in the course of my life I was taught to believe that I was not worthy, or special, or priceless. 
Somewhere along the course of my life I was taught to take what I could get, to settle, to accept the bird in hand, the cards dealt.

I was taught to yield, kowtow, turn the other cheek, be meek,suffer silently, sing quieter, shine less, shut up and no matter how much I take my clothes off I can't seem to strip that out of me.


I should not be embarrassed at the sound of my own beautifully trained voice echoing back at me from auditorium walls.
I should not be surprised by an appreciative stare as I strut by on wild black stilettos


I should not be so hungry for validation
for a job well done
for an ascetic compliment
for an act of kindness


I know I did well.
I know I am beautiful.
I know I am a good person.
I know that I have earned this person I am today. 


So yeah childhood and church taught me one thing.  And You are teaching me another.


There is conflict between the opposing sides but I am here grabbing hold to Your point of view and trying desperately to pull my self free of this quick sanded trap I've been floating in so precariously for so long.


I feared that if I moved I would drown in arrogance, choke on my own vanity.  But I can see now with this Dawning notion that there is a middle path. 

I'm still frightened though.  Because as You pull me up, as I kick free I can see myself though Your eyes. 
What I see is wonderous vision that is burning itself into me,
what I see keeps me from turning back into the old me,
what I see keeps me moving forward and changing and becoming better.
What I see makes me submit, makes me strong, makes me weak, makes me open, makes me responsible.


Responsible for every action and accountable for every consequence...


What I see through Your eyes is me
As a brilliant shining amazing person of excellence
Who must do brilliant shining amazing things of excellence.


Anything less is unacceptable
Anything less is death



I always understood what Mairanne Williamson said in that famous quote... but because of my experiences with You I can now embody it.  Because of You I can see it for myself.

You will always have my gratitude, my love, my devotion...
Your young lady~~~

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." ~ Mairanne Williamson

Comments

You are.

[cynan-poly.livejournal.com]

You are wonderful & strong.

You are beautiful & kind.

You are worthy & deserving of every good thing.

You are talented, intelligent, & skilled, & deserve respect.

You are able to keep love in your heart, despite having been taken for granted, used wrongly, & mistreated.

You are glorious company to those fortunate to know you, and worthy of your own silence in solitary contemplation.

You are missed & desired, but more than worthy of patience.

You are worthy of love that respects you as well as wanting you, or enjoying your friendship & kindness.

And your Sir is no fool. I thank him for his contribution to your becoming the fabulous person I have come to know. But I also know that you always had it in you - or it couldn't be there now.

You are unique, as everyone is; but you are exceptional, as only a few can be.

I am honored & happy to be your friend, and as much more as you have the space or will to accept. I hope I can show you this truth, rather than merely stating it, soon.

You are a luminous being.

Re: You are.

[missrenie.livejournal.com]

Cynan I am overwhelmed.

I thank you so much for your words and I am truly truly touched. Thank you for your insights, your patience and your time.

I will be seeing you soon...maybe at the PPP :)

Be sooo brightly blessed~~~

Re: You are.

[cynan-poly.livejournal.com]

And you are also...

...more than welcome! For all of it.

And if I do see you soon, I will be blessed; if we have a chance for non-group time in the (relatively) near future, then so much the more so!

May there be many beautiful blessings for you, as well!