Saturn Returns...

 

Dre dropped the book infront of me while I sat twisting my unkempt locs back into some sort of reasonable neatness.  It’s been a long time since I have inquired as to just why she gives me something to read/do.  Everything she seems to point out to me has been relevant.  It is as if the universe sends me messages that I too busy fucking around to notice and she has the lovely inclination to grab my head and twist my neck so that I stop and take a look see. 

I was quite resistant the first few times.  But after a while I realized that this process is a lot less painful if I just accept it. 

This time  it is a book on birthdays and astrology.  I open it up to age 27 & 28 and I am blown away, caught up in a feeling a overwhelming relief and warmed by a deep sense of connection to the vast universe around me.

This wild trip through the rabbit hole, this turmoil between healer and hedonist, this casting off of my old self and creation of the new, this painful passing, isolation, insomnia, this fit of exhibitionism, excitement, acceptance, all the serendipity of the last few months, all this death and rebirth, every glorious bit of greatness and gore that has been astronomical is merely astrological.

Saturn Returns… with a fucking vengeance I might add and with it comes cleansing, purification, manifestation, actualization, maturity, responsibility and the confidence to live the life appropriate for me on my terms and no one else’s. 
It has meant the ending of old relationships,
180 to 359 high speed shifts in perception
So far it’s been humiliating and humbling,
exotic and empowering
and if I am correctly informed a completely normal part of the growing process.

As chaos of my 27^th year winds up to the adventure of the 28^th I am ever so excited to see what Life has in store because for a while there Life was giving it to me hard…
full on  bent over the barrel without the lube hard.  I’ve recently bitch slapped her, flipped the script and taken top and now...

now we are in madly, absolutely, positively in love
and pregnant with beautiful expectant possibility~~

In love (beach recording)

So Melo and I went to the beach and I brought my fender and she brought her congo.  It was a beautiful hot as hell day and with her encouragement we made this recording of a song that I wrote I think I sound nasally and the wind is blowing hard but I'm really glad we did it.
now I just need to figure out how to play the other nine songs I wrote :)

Thanks Melo!! xoxo

Background

You passed by me today, asked me what my weekend was gonna be like and when I tell you, you laugh in that condescending way you have
a disparaging way meant to degrade my lifestyle and choices,
a contemptible way meant to corrupt  my hard earned social and spiritual freedoms

When you laugh like this I am surprised

I am surprised because your disguised jealousy and your lonely misplaced aggressions do not effect me. And I am glad...

I'm glad that song by Lily Allen was playing in the background...
you know "fuck you... fuck you very much"
It filled the silence nicely as I merely smiled brightly. 
It sang along at every pause while you reminded me of out dated goals that I had listed in October when my life was agonizing instead of amazing. 
It replied in its chipper up beat way making a shield of brightly colored wings around me that you couldn't get though,
that lifted me up above you
and I could see that it annoyed you.

Cause even if you couldn't catch the words of the song
You caught the drift of what I was saying
"I'm happy now, I've found where and who I need to be.  Don't worry your little head about me sugah."

And I turn away
turned up the music
and listen to you fade way into the background.

Look inside
Look inside your tiny mind
Now look a bit harder
Cause we're so uninspired, so sick and tired of all the hatred you harbor

Do you
Do you really enjoy living a life that's so hateful?
Cause there's a hole where your soul should be
Your losing control of it and it's really distasteful

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch

Fuck you
Fuck you very, very much
Cause your words don't translate and it's getting quite late
So please don't stay in touch