It's not that serious

Winter lingers

And for a long time I could not figure out why… why wouldn’t spring come.  I began to wonder if it felt this long for spring to come every year.  But when I thought back on it this impatience is a new thing.

I planted seeds in soil indoors and while I have had some measure of success with this in the past it completely failed this year. Withering away pathetically as I watered and adjusted for sun light, as I spent spiraling energy and played Mozart.

“Bloom!  Why the hell won’t you bloom? Live, it’s time isn’t it, live!”  But despite my want and will it died.  And now what I think on it this season’s early failure is a powerful lesson.

Winter lingers in my life because I have never accepted it.  I am all about transitions.  Constantly changing and moving and pushing lines and buttons I’m all fall and spring.  This year more than ever I denied winter.  I denied loss and death and endings of things.  I dressed my room and altar for fall and purposely did not change the season for winter.  Yesterday I began to take down my fall sprigs to replace them with my spring ones. 

Normally this is very life affirming for me but it felt hollow this time.  I was so disturbed that I did an oracle draw with the chakras for correspondence.  It was no surprise to me when I pulled my souls purpose as the Cave in Winter.  A call for solace, stillness, regeneration, darkness the fluid water turned to solid stillness.  Isa… that rune that word that concept that has haunted me for the past two years. 

For some reason the image of the cave struck me harder than Isa itself did.  I realized then that I can not move forward if I am exhausted.  I will not know where to go if I do not stop to listen.  I am so intent on getting where I think I need to be that I am missing the entire journey and as a direct consequence I am getting lost.

Bloom!  Why the hell won’t I bloom?

Live, it’s time isn’t it, live!

But despite my want and will many things that I touch now wither and die and it is a powerful lesson.

I can not force the seasons, and while I can deny them it is an injury to myself.

I realized that I am behaving like a petulant child in trying to deny that it is time for the death of old habits, self defeating patterns, ill-fated relationships.  I want connection, a beautiful soul, I want to grow but I can not grow if I do not go through winter first.

If I do not lay things to rest.

Winter is hard

But spring is even harder.

I agree with Ariadne when she said that spring is violent.

The seed splits itself in two as it pushed up through the soil it is a dark, lonely, solitary path.  It is all blood and screams and completely worth it… just ask any mother.

Winter’s rest, winter’s shedding of the unnecessary is vital if one is to successfully undertake the Spring.   And while I may be a little late in doing so I embrace Winter for what it is and what it will take from me.