Where the f.@k is the candy?!!!?!?!
Apr. 21st, 2007 08:07 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
missrenieLife has been a bitch lately. A real bitch.
I feel like I am in the ring with Laila Ali and she is handing my ass to me with out the silver platter.
At least give me a damn platter
Doggie bag
Something?
I could go down the list of things that are fucked right now.
But I hardly have the energy to think straight
Let alone dig into dungeonous depths of my temporarily unstable psyche.
In the past four months I have given up a lot.
My home, my comfort, my job, my health insurance (I was really jazzed about getting that health insurance) my security, my state of being.
And in trade I received a lot of empty promises, a cold case of crazy, a soul numbing two week stint at Walgreens, with a hot and nasty side dish of betrayal… oh and the bank people found me so my car is about to be repossessed (sunny side to this is that I won't have to stress about the car note I can't pay anymore).
Anyway
I figure all of this is my mother's fault.
Before I was born she laid down in front of the altar in the St Jude Church (Saint of hopeless cases, finder of the lost, patron saint of making the impossible possible) She offered my brother and I up to the will of God in the hopes that her precarious pregnancy would be seen safely through.
You know the deal…let them have a good mind, all their bits and I will do my best to put them in Your path. She almost did a perfect job. If it wasn't the Catholic Schools I was put into I might still be Christian. Anyway it turns out that I believe that all Gods are one God so even though I am a Moon spiraling, crystal kissing, circle casting, herb growing (mostly herb killing) Goddess luvin witch… I am not exempt from the per birth clause.
Growing up I have meet several people Christian and non that have taken me by the hand and told me that I am a child of destiny. Instead of inflating my ego to the size of a small planet it scared the shit out of me.
I believe that we are all children of destiny…that we all have something to give to this world. I have also learned that this destiny is like a path, a very narrow path sometimes depending on where you are going. And that if you step off of the path. You get your ass kick until you are back on it again.
What makes it difficult is that you don't often know what you are heading towards.
Its like being blind folded and shoved into a room with a piñata.
A piñata that's filled with Ghirardelli, Lindit and Dove confections. But there is like an obstacle course to the piñata and you're a chocoholic who is just coming off of a forced forty day detox
You are shaking, sweating, falling over things and bumping your shins
While screaming
Where the fuck is the candy?!
Ah but I exaggerate… not to mention misplace blame ;)
The point is that I can take a long look at everything that has gone wrong, hold a widow's wake for the people and things that I have lost
But those things are the very fabric of the blindfold
No
I'm after that damn candy
I know what I am going towards
I'm not going to stumble around in the dark
Doesn't mean that im not going to stumble
Just that my eyes are wide open
I wish I could say that I opened them myself
But they were forced open
And I thank every one who had a part in that
Whether it was through kindness
Or a knife in the back.
So I'm back in the ring on my feet facing the fight
Im freaking out on the inside a little
Okay a lot
But im here damn't
"My head is bloodied but unbowed."
I've been broken
But I have come back stronger than before.
Now I just have to
Finish writing my book
find a new job
And 6, 000 dollars for the National Holistic Institute so I can start living both my purpose and my dream
I feel like I am in the ring with Laila Ali and she is handing my ass to me with out the silver platter.
At least give me a damn platter
Doggie bag
Something?
I could go down the list of things that are fucked right now.
But I hardly have the energy to think straight
Let alone dig into dungeonous depths of my temporarily unstable psyche.
In the past four months I have given up a lot.
My home, my comfort, my job, my health insurance (I was really jazzed about getting that health insurance) my security, my state of being.
And in trade I received a lot of empty promises, a cold case of crazy, a soul numbing two week stint at Walgreens, with a hot and nasty side dish of betrayal… oh and the bank people found me so my car is about to be repossessed (sunny side to this is that I won't have to stress about the car note I can't pay anymore).
Anyway
I figure all of this is my mother's fault.
Before I was born she laid down in front of the altar in the St Jude Church (Saint of hopeless cases, finder of the lost, patron saint of making the impossible possible) She offered my brother and I up to the will of God in the hopes that her precarious pregnancy would be seen safely through.
You know the deal…let them have a good mind, all their bits and I will do my best to put them in Your path. She almost did a perfect job. If it wasn't the Catholic Schools I was put into I might still be Christian. Anyway it turns out that I believe that all Gods are one God so even though I am a Moon spiraling, crystal kissing, circle casting, herb growing (mostly herb killing) Goddess luvin witch… I am not exempt from the per birth clause.
Growing up I have meet several people Christian and non that have taken me by the hand and told me that I am a child of destiny. Instead of inflating my ego to the size of a small planet it scared the shit out of me.
I believe that we are all children of destiny…that we all have something to give to this world. I have also learned that this destiny is like a path, a very narrow path sometimes depending on where you are going. And that if you step off of the path. You get your ass kick until you are back on it again.
What makes it difficult is that you don't often know what you are heading towards.
Its like being blind folded and shoved into a room with a piñata.
A piñata that's filled with Ghirardelli, Lindit and Dove confections. But there is like an obstacle course to the piñata and you're a chocoholic who is just coming off of a forced forty day detox
You are shaking, sweating, falling over things and bumping your shins
While screaming
Where the fuck is the candy?!
Ah but I exaggerate… not to mention misplace blame ;)
The point is that I can take a long look at everything that has gone wrong, hold a widow's wake for the people and things that I have lost
But those things are the very fabric of the blindfold
No
I'm after that damn candy
I know what I am going towards
I'm not going to stumble around in the dark
Doesn't mean that im not going to stumble
Just that my eyes are wide open
I wish I could say that I opened them myself
But they were forced open
And I thank every one who had a part in that
Whether it was through kindness
Or a knife in the back.
So I'm back in the ring on my feet facing the fight
Im freaking out on the inside a little
Okay a lot
But im here damn't
"My head is bloodied but unbowed."
I've been broken
But I have come back stronger than before.
Now I just have to
Finish writing my book
find a new job
And 6, 000 dollars for the National Holistic Institute so I can start living both my purpose and my dream
