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Personal Truth #7: Body Acceptance
May. 14th, 2009 12:52 pmI keep trying to blog about what it was like on stage that Monday night.
What it felt like to taunt, tease and strip down to pasties and panties infront of the general public who hooted and hollered enthusiastically. But I can’t.
In all honesty all I remember is this:
~nervous anticipation while standing at the curtain waiting to go on stage.
~an oddly hilarious moment when I realized in passing that the weird taste in my mouth was because I almost threw up.
~a sense of frantic disorientation when I made it back stage and wondered were my clothes were.
Standing there on that metal chair next to Kitty Von Quim with my arms upraised, my hips twisted, exposed to the world was wonderful and powerful but this open ending seems trivial in comparison to what happened next.
During the second act there was a woman. A belly dancer and she was gorgeous. She was stunning, she was amazing. She wove a spell like a shimmering net, caught us up and drew us into her seduction. In the end I applauded her wildly.
This may not seem like a big deal to some.
To me it was.
Less than six months ago I would have despised this woman
I would have hated her sexuality
I would have been jealous of her body
I would have compared myself to her and let her lovely image disgrace me, twist me, taunt me into a self loathing that would have began in starvation and ended with a binge.
But that didn’t happen this time
It didn’t happen because I was and am aware of the truth of my own sexuality, of my own body, of my own lovely image.
The truth of this makes me free
Free to enjoy her quaking hips
Free to applaud each thrust and twist
Free to see each bump and grind
Free to scream and clap in time
Because I have finally accepted me I can accept and appreciate her.
No matter who “her” is
And that is a powerful thing indeed.
