But we all have a vagina

[missrenie]

I'm a size-ist
and a racist
I stereotype skinny women
skinny white women
I never realized it
really realized it
I am the only black person in the production. And I felt weird about it. And I had to figure out why. And when I thought about it, it was not the being the only black person that upset me... it was my size. I was so used to being ridiculed by the skinny white girls I used to go to school with. Poked at, name called... they gave me hell and I felt like shit around them. All I wanted to do was fit in, or at least fade away but I couldn't no matter how hard I tried to do either. My hair, my lips, my eyes, my hips... me. I compared myself... a giant checklist... I hated myself... for not being
blonde
blue eyed
skinny
for not having hair what went though a plastic comb instead of breaking the pink and white teeth to pieces.
I never thought of myself as having a serious problem with white people... I mean I pushed it to the back of my mind... thought of it as normal sometimes... I mean I have white friends!!!! My best friends Liza and Kris are white... and Liza is skinny!!!
But now
looking at it
being in a room with white women
skinny and not skinny white women
all those feelings came back.
And I could feel the wall going up.
Until they smiled genuinely smiled at me, hugged me and told me I was cute, helped me with my makeup, made mistakes, belched, and treated me like a human being... a beautiful human being that I realized really realized the problem I had
and how wrong I was
and how much of a healing experience this Vagina Monologue thing has been.
We stand united in our womanhood, in experience good and bad... They have faced screwed up things in their lives as well. Just because you are white and skinny and pretty does not mean that you boyfriend stays around, that you get the car you've always wanted, that people back out of your way, that the world stands and waits for you, or loves and adores you... just because you are white and skinny and pretty does not mean that you are spared from abuse, embarrassment, heartache and pain or even think that you are skinny or pretty.
I am black and fat and beautiful and beautifully me... this I have always known despite what I went through during my youth.
But now I know another truth.
That we ARE really connected... that these women are my sisters... we may have differences abounding
but we all have a vagina