It's not that serious

I have been trying to keep in control of things.
Because so much is happening.
I figure that if I keep everything under control then I would be alright
I was doing fine until I got hit by kryptonite.
Everyone has kryptonite I think. Some person place or thing that makes them stop. Sometime it is always the same thing and sometime it changes.

For me, this time, it was a song.
It made me stop…and cry.

Recently things seem to be happening so quickly that I barely have time to breathe. When I look up the week is gone it's Sunday and I am barely prepared to venture into the next seven day cycle. I feel like I am spinning and whirling out of control. Like being on that one thing at the playground that mama never let you go on, I can not remember the name of it and I have not seen one in eons. Probably because they are so damn dangerous :). I had a friend that would bug me and pester me until I went on it with her. There was a trick to this thing. It took at least two to three people to get it going fast enough. If you didn't get it going fast enough you would have a short and crappy ride once you hopped on. If you got it going too fast you could get knocked to the ground before you even got on it. We would grab the outer bars and run faster and faster picking up speed and right before our legs fell from under us we would hop on. I remember I would curl up and clamp my eyes shut…trying not to scream in terror as the world spun out of control. And she was like a bird… a wild black exotic thing. Her legs wrapped around the iron bars, her head tossed back in defiance, her left arm going up and out skimming the wet hot air… and she screamed and screamed and laughed. When it came to a stop I would wobble off and she would roll off… begging me to go again. Her eyes shining with tears from the wind.

I am on that ride right now and everything is blurring by… woosh woosh woosh. I have been trying to clamp my eyes shut. I have been trying not to scream. But that is silly. I should handle this like her. Find my center, ground, then open my eyes, shout, scream, laugh, cry, be breathless. And be thankful.

Thankful because I could never have gotten this thing started by myself
Thankful that I am not riding this thing on my own
And although the world seems to be rushing by
Life rushing by
I am still standing
Rooted and Flying at the same time
Enjoying the ride

Dennis and I pressed our noses against shatter proof glass in the copy room trying to figure out if it was raining or hailing outside... after about two minutes we agreed that it was hail and after about five minutes of laughing from watching the passerbys below us run, dart and freak out about it we decided it was a good thing.

But as I stood there pointing out the poor soul in shorts and sandals wobbling awkwardly as if the tiny drops of ice were huge marbles I remembered my own first experience with hail.

I was 15 years old... petting my kitten Phantom on the front porch. The sky was bright blue with a few puffy clouds and the heat was blaring and intense. A normal New Orleans day. The cloud must have approached from behind because I never saw the sky darken but this was also normal.
Phantom gave me a lick and slinked off of my lap and closer towards to front door and curled up.. I thought to take a nap. And thats when it happened... rain at first until it changed and instead of hitting the side walk and turning it dark grey it bounced, and bounced and hit me. And I freaked out
but but here are my reasons why
1- never seen hail
2- raised Roman Catholic
3- just saw The 10 commandments with Charleston Heston
4- has a mother who was known to mumble “we are living in our last days” , “the world is coming to an end” “the day of judgment we know neither the day or the hour” at least twice a day
(I would be surprised to wake up every morning to find that it had not happened and horrified that today would be the day, and worried that the rapture would happen: while I was on the toilet, or still a virgin, or during sex, or in an elevator or a combination of the above)

I was however still a virgin so this was a bad thing.
It began to come down harder and harder... in bigger and bigger pieces... and I knew from the 10 commandments that it would start to catch fire soon so I had to get inside
I was frantic
I flew off the porch
got my leg stuck in the hedge
After wrenching myself free I dashed and I mean dashed up the ramp to the side door
cursing at myself for losing time in the hedges
the door was locked
damn
I ran around to the back of the house and began banging like a wild woman
My mother let me in
I slammed the door and pressed against keeping the forces of hell or vengeance of whatever at bay.

“What the hell is your problem?”
“Ice mama ice from the sky.. There is ice coming out of the sky... its raining ice” which was hard to say as breathless as I was
My mother I thought was amazingly calm and said “You mean hail”
“Hail?”
“Yes you dingy hail”
“Hail?”
silence during which I remembered my lessons in science class about weather and cold air and hot air and blah blah blah.

“So the worlds not coming to an end”
long silence (im sure she was weighing the pros and cons of messing with my head )
“No Irene”

With my heart racing I slumped to the floor, my glasses fogging up, beads of sweat dripping from my temples, relived... that I had not died a virgin.