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missrenie
11:37pm last night
(Marylin Manson starts singing tainted love or my phone begins to ring… nameless number)
Me:: Hi this is Irene.
?: Hi
Me: Hi
?: So how have you been?
Me:: Groovy aside from the swine flu
?: Wow you had that
Me:: yep
?: Sorry about that. I heard it was rough
Me:: Like rubbin sandpaper against my vagina...say who is this?
?: Stop playing
Me:: No seriously who is this? (I like his voice though)
?: Robert
Me:: Who?
Robert: Robert
Me:: Hi Robert I think you have the wrong number.
Robert: What... girl how you gonna do me like that?
Me:: Like what?
Robert: Pretending like you don't know me
Me:: I don't know you.
Robert: Yeah you do. You remember. I used to do some contract work at ------- We hooked up.
Me: : Really? (wtf I remember exactly who he is now)
Raptor: Yeah really. You are starting to hurt my feeling.
Me:: I think you have me confused with someone else.
Raptor: You read my tarot cards after it was scary.
Me:: I read alot of people's tarot cards... after what?
Raptor: You know... after I knocked that bottom out.
Me:: (You mean after you bored me to death with your disappointment of a sexual performance that indicated that your intimate education came directly of 3rd rate porno clips found for free online and high school locker room lies) Sorry that doesn't narrow anything down for me
Raptor: Damn... you're ice cold you know that?
Me:: Oh yeah I remember you Raptor
Raptor: What
Me:: Robert! (Raptor: the name me and my friends came up with for you since you were a rapper and a vile reptile of a human being)
Raptor: Yeah so how have you been
Me:: Groovy aside from the swine flu
Raptor: Oh yeah sorry about that.
Me:: No problems ( I'm completely prepared to repeat myself because I already know what an idiot you are)
Raptor: So uh I have been thinking about you. Have you thought about me.
Me:: Oh yeah I think about you too every once and a while (And sometimes I laugh at how stupid I was or shake my head, or cringe)
Raptor: Yeah so I was wondering if I can come over and bring a movie or something and we can talk.
Me:: Hey Ra-Robert can I be completely honest with you.
Raptor: .....
Me:: It's really late to watch a movie and talk. If your after sex you could just ask me. We don't have to play games.
Raptor: Damn you have a dirty mind I was not being like that I just wanted to talk
Me:: Sure... you just want me to take some dictation I get it.
Raptor: You haven't changed we had this conversation a year ago
Me:: Yeah over a year ago I think and yes I have changed quite a bit. My vagina still has teeth though.
Raptor: Haha yeah I remember you saying that you're still crazy
Me:: I sure am
Raptor: So can I come over.
Me:: No
Raptor: Damn girl you know I would treat you right.
Me:: (I laugh)
Raptor: What
Me:: Dude you suck in bed
Raptor: That’s not what you said last time
Me:: I was lying and trying to be nice but you call me at this hour after a year to try to come over here and fuck me? You're being rude. So I don't have to be nice.
Raptor: So you're angry. I was just trying to see how you were ...you don't have to be such a bitch.
Me:: I'm not being a bitch. I'm being honest you suck at sex. You fucking suck at fucking. I had to add a new tag to my life journal called "bad sex". But I'm over that now. I am more pissed at being called at this hour like a cheap and desperate slut I'm a goddamn lady.
Raptor: You're fucking nuts.
Me:: But not your nuts (giggle)
Raptor: Man fuck you
Me:: I told you that I’m a goddamn lady… are gonna do it right this time?!
Raptor: Hangs up
Me:: kinda disappointed.
But this morning he sends me the following text message: "Sorry about last night. I remember you like tea. Would you like to go get some. Maybe we can watch a movie and talk later... "
