Letting Go & Taking Back

[missrenie]

It was a hard thing

and if I was not so exhausted I would have fought myself. 

 

It was a hard thing

and if I was not so defeated  I would have broken both tooth and nail  trying to swim in this shit filled river called denial proclaiming all the while that it smelled of fresh milk and roses.

 

It was a hard thing… but I did it.

I pulled myself out.

 

 

Now I feel hollowed out and worn out. 

Now I feel groggy and yet oh so electric

Awakening from that drugged stupor.

Aching as my blood clears itself form the heroine I injected into it. 

Poison self poured into my own open veins visa vi your touch, your voice, your face, your body.

 

you.

 

I was still willing, wanting and waiting until I realized how afraid you were.

Until I realized how afraid you have always been.

 

I deserve to be loved with the same ferocity with which I love, with which I live.  To accept less is a slap in the face to everything I have accomplished over the last year.  It is a direct mockery to every sacrifice I have made.  It is disservice to every person that has helped raise me into this state of being.

 

It is a hypocritical crime of the worst kind against all those people who I have told repeatedly to take their power back.

 

I took mine back

Its this foreign feral thing

I’m swagging from head to toe.

It’s in my shoes and I’m stepping taller

It’s wrapped around my waist and I’m standing straighter

It’s a crown on my brow and its making me glow

 

I’m re-incorporating it into my non-corporal self

 

I’m putting it in a special place

 

That place where you once were.

 

And you’ll never fucking touch it again.

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:)

♥ you, lady