Weird stuff has been happening to me. And I am going to start documenting it. Like today at 2:50…
Me:: good afternoon --------- how may I help you
Dude: Hi… how are you?
Me:: I'm wonderful… how are you and how may I help you?
Dude: you can help me by telling me how come you're so wonderful
Me:: I'm alive!
Me:: I'm alive?
Dude: I wish I were smoking what you are smoking
Me:: Excuse me sir? (The only reason I don't hang up is because I am not sure if he is one of our eccentric vendors or partners.)
Dude: I just wish I were wonderful too. (wondering what he's smoking)
Me:: well maybe I can help. What is your reason for calling ------- today?
Dude: we heard you were moving and we would like to see if --- ------ could assist you with that
Me:: I'm sorry we already moved last month
Dude: well isn't that a bummer…. Hey are you a
Me:: No, I'm not
Dude: What are you?(its been a boring day I can use a distraction)
Me:: I'm a Virgo
Dude: No kidding I'm a Pisces we're compatible. Are you single? (wow he's light on his feet)
Dude: I'm from the bay area. You don't sound like you're from here. Are you sure you’re not a
Me:: (wondering how far the rabbit hole goes)I'm from the south maybe that's what you are hearing
Dude: south… hey what part?
Dude: Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez… yeah baby… hey I'm sorry about that whole Katrina thing. I asked God why we have to have natural disasters you know? Why can't the world be fun land. Like the continents all theme parks. I asked god that. I was like hey god why can’t life one big fun ride. Free love, bright lights, good food, free love…(at this point something shiny catches my attention outside in the parking lot and I am only paying enough attention to catch his not so subtle hints at sex in a liberated society. I was up to five before the old school sweet ass
Dude: Sure you do. A sexy sounding
Me:: ummm I'm sorry sir but I have to get back to work
Dude: Yeah like your really working… your probably looking at hot guys on the internet
Me:: No I'm not
Dude: Oh yes you are. I bet you have it all minimized on your screen.
Me:: I'm not!!! (feeling weird for defending myself to this weirdo)
Dude: It's okay. You should just admit it
Me:: I admit nothing
Dude: Well I admit that I would like to get your number. Can I get your number?
Dude: Oh well worth a shot. You do have a sexy voice. You shouldn't use it at work. It's a turn on. It's like waving a red flag.
Me:: (Pouring on sexy voice) Can you do me a favor?
Dude: Anything if you're gonna ask like that.
Me:: Can you take me… off your calling list.
Dude: …You're a frosty lady.
Me:: No, but I am a wonderful one. Thanks for your call.
And I hang up