Fun with Telemarketers

Fun with Telemarketers

When I am hungry I become a certified bitch. Terick knows this…actually he is the one that pointed it out. I made a joke one time about how he didn't want me to get hungry cause I'm liable to snap and he pulled over into the nearest crack in the box and ordered a salad. I laughed until he said "No seriously eat it. It's going to be a long day"
I told him thanks for being so sweet and tried to disregard the look that plainly said "sweet nothing this is self preservation."
Whenever I go off the deep end he gives me half a sandwich a cup of cranberry juice a melatonin and puts me down for a nap. If this doesn't work he does the laundry.

Its 9:20 I didn't sleep well and I haven't had breakfast yet

 

Phone: Ring ring

Me: Good morning, ________ this is Irene speaking how may I help you?

Telemarketer:: Hello may I speak with --- -----?

Me: Are you a current __________ vendor or employee?

Telemarketer:: No

Me: Is this a sales or introductory call?

Telemarketer:: No

Me: I'm sorry he asks that I screen his calls today. What company are you with?

Telemarketer:: _________

Me:And the purpose of your call?

Telemarketer:: (some inchorrent fast talking blurb)

Me: I'm sorry I didn't quite catch that

Telemarketer:: (annoyed)Is --- ----- in or can I speak with someone who is authorized to make decisions for him?

Me: (bored) He does not have an assistant.

Telemarketer:: (really annoyed and for some reason this make me chipper) Is --- ----- in today?

Me: I'm sorry he asks that I screen his calls today. What is the purpose of your call?

Telemarketer:: To offer him a free invitation to subscribe to our magazine

Me: So this is a sales call

Telemarketer:: (pause)No it's an invitation call

Me: (equal pause) Ahh an invitation call… one moment

Put her on hold count to five transfer her to the black hole of death*

 

15 seconds later

Phone: Ring ring

Me: Good morning,_________ this is Irene speaking how may I help you?

Telemarketer:: Hello may I speak with --- -----?(hot damn this bitch is persistent)

Me: Are you a current________ vendor or employee?

Telemarketer:: No

Me: Is this a sales or introductory call?

Telemarketer::No

 

Me: I'm sorry he asks that I screen his calls today. What company are you with?

Telemarketer:: _______

Me: And the purpose of your call?

Telemarketer:: To offer him a free invitation to subscribe to our magazine… I just spoke with you. I think you transferred to the wrong line.

Me: Oh no that was the right line.

Telemarketer:: No one picked up and I would really like to speak with him

Me: (mock concern) Ohhh okay just a moment.

Put her on hold count to five transfer her back into to the black hole of death.

 

30 seconds later

Phone: Ring ring

Me: Good morning,_________ this is Irene speaking how may I help you?

Telemarketer:: Hello may I speak with --- -----?(I find this shit funny mostly because she isn't even saying his name right)

Me: Are you a current _______vendor or employee?

Telemarketer:: No… look I just want to leave a message for --- ----- can you help me with that?

Me: Did you leave a message with the line I just transferred you to?

Telemarketer:: Yes but I would rather speak with him in person about our magazine… does he have an e-mail address?

Me: Yes

Long pause

Telemarketer:: May I have it

Me: I'm not authorized to give you that information

Telemarketer: (exasperated) well can you give him a message for me.

Me: (wow all that frustration in her voice is beginning to turn me on) No

Telemarketer:: (Indignant) No?!

Me: No I can't. I'm paid a salary with overtime to keep people like you from harassing our employee. I'm willing to bet you're paid hourly on commission to do the opposite. It's okay with me if you want to keep barking up this tree. I have a headset on and I don't have to crane my neck. … I can do this song and dance all day lady.

(click)

She hung up on me.
I can't believe she hung up on me
What a bitch
I stand up and do my happy dance on the way to the vending machine to get some cranberry juice.

*Black hole of death: a voice mail box created by IT for the express purpose of fucking with telemarketers. Like that pit in the movie 300… 3000? Whatever


I'm amused because I totally that telemarketer