Cookies?

So this newbie sales man comes in the office.

Lets call him Eric… he looked like an Eric.

 
He started asking me information about the company.  I was in the go zone doing three zillon things at a time so I answered his questions on auto pilot.  Besides he had a deep voice and he was nice to look at.

 But then he started winking at me and I began to wonder if he really was a sales man and if he really wanted me to follow him outside or something.

 It wasn't a quick witty "I'm the shit and I'm acknowledging you wink".  You know… the kinda wink someone who is in total control of themselves or at least had several years experience in marketing and sales gives you.  The wink that for an instance makes you feel as if you were extraordinary because someone as slick as a jar full of Beaumont's hair pomade singled your homely ass out.  The kind of wink you flush at

First, because you feel all special or especially dirty and

Secondly because you are pissed as hell…

pissed, because you actually let your knees get a little weak for a person who is probably an obnoxious adulterous jack ass with the emotional depth of a teaspoon.

You suddenly realize you're not homely at all but you are pretty damn sure that that was sexual harassment or at least some inexcusable machismo diminutive gesture that you just let the greasy bastard get away with.

 
Anyway
It wasn't that kind of a wink
It was worse

It was the wink of a total noob*.  It lasted forever and I had to really fight against my better judgment to ask if he needed visine.

He said when he came back he would bring something special for me… a little treat.  He then went on about how his company likes to give little things to show there appreciation like See's candy or those expensive ass cookies you find in the mall… Miss Felids or something.

 

WTF a little treat?!
Like my fat ass needs a damn cookie.
Did he offer me cookies because I am fat?
Probably not but fuck him anyway.

 

Honey the only reason I actually helped your ass was because I didn't have the energy to tell you to shove off.  Please sugah do me a favor before you come back.   Practice that wink in the mirror.  Tell yourself what ever self affirmations you have to.  Because if your going to do something so overtly chauvinist I wanna feel smutty about it for at least five full seconds.  I wanna feel like grabbing your ass before I get the inclination to tell you to kiss mine.

 

Oh well See you tomorrow

 

 

Don't forget the cookies

 

 

* Noob

is a slang term for a newcomer to online gaming or an Internet activity. It can also be used for any other activity in whose context a somewhat clueless newcomer could exist. It can have derogatory connotations(and in this case does), but is also often used for descriptive purposes only, without a value judgment.