What I’ve learned this year

 

 

Why

Why glitter is the herpes of the art world

Why it's not a good idea to adjust your seat while driving downhill 10 miles over the speed limit

Working in Walgreen's suck dirty nasty flying monkey balls

Silence is an important part of communication

 

How

How to say the words "I love you Dad" without choking in the words dad, you, love and I or bursting out in fits of demonic laughter while simultaneously drowning in a veil of tear that would make even the angels weep

How to walk down stairs in heels while talking

To graciously accept a complement

To correctly apply the mantra of "fuck it" when dealing with situations beyond my control

Per my mother's example: How to flip people the almighty fuck you with out them noticing ( I think)

How to say things like "His decreased range of motion in the cervical region while performing lateral flexion may be due to tightness in the sternocleidomastoid or even the scalenes. I suggest myofascial therapies to include proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation as a method to promote balance in his overall posture." (and I can write it in short hand too)

How to not laugh at loud at the slight misfortunes of others

How to laugh riotously at my own grand misfortunes

How to change my pants, bra, shirt and freshen my make up while driving.

How to get undressed in a room with 20 other people

How to orgasm in front of 300 people

To Concentrate, Meditate, and Embrace TIGER!!!!

To load and shoot a 9mm gun safely and with confidence (Thanks Scott!!!!)

 

The importance of

The importance of forgiving others.

Living a purpose driven life.

What

What wookie berries are

What dirty nasty flying monkey balls taste like... on account of working at Walgreen's

 

 

When

When it is appropriate to laugh and swear obnoxiously in a movie theater (i.e Army of Darkness, Rocky Horror, Snakes on a Plane) and when it is not (Golden Compass, Titanic, )

When its best to walk away and when its best to fight

Working at Walgreen's it is best to rinse with Listerine daily to combat the taste of dirty nasty flying monkey balls

When it is time to let go... sadly I have yet to learn the how of it.

When in conflict sometimes the best course of action is to do nothing

 

That

I really like what the money that I make myself can buy

Working in Walgreen's sucks dirty nasty flying monkey balls

That I can work 40 hrs a week, go to school for 16, commute for 10, and not curl into a fetal position by weeks end

That I can be arrogant, pushy, and wonderfully indignant when given the opportunity

That I am marvelously imperfect and magnificently flawed and that by changing, recreating, reshaping myself... I change, recreate and reshape my world.

That just because you go to sleep does not mean you will wake up sober (this is heart breaking)

While it is completely appropriate to say kiss my ass ever once in a one should always strive for impact with it's delivery… i.e. try saying it with your best stepford wife's smile will tilting your head slightly to the left or right (your choice) With hands clasped together in your lap. If at all possible add in a nervous tic (not too much though wouldn't want to over do it)

With that said I am stronger:
Physically

Mentally
Emotionally
Spiritually
Than I ever thought myself to be

That I have learned more thing than I can ever hope to put down here.

That there is much more to learn than I can ever know

 

 

But the most important thing I have learned this year is that there are lessons and truths all aroune me
These lessons and truths impact my  beliefs.
My beliefs dictate my actions.
My actions create me.
While these lessons are important they are not carved in stone.
They are instead like a  river that constantly changes as I change.
Flowing in and out of me

Change is inevitable constant, unstoppable
It is foolish to fear that over which I have no control

Ultimate control is an illusion
Act without fear of losing control
and my beliefs will be free of fear
my eyes will be open wider and recieve  more lessons and more truths
because I fear not change, I seek not control
 I understand and accept that this core lesson can change as well

 

There is only one thing that does not change,
one thing that is constant....

Working at Walgreen's sucks big nasty flying monkey balls.