My Philosophy of Fuck it

Fuck it:
as in fuck this shit
as in walk away from it all from everything or everyone

or

Fuck it:
as in fuck this shit
as in pick up and keep going, keep moving forward

it may seem like I am inching forward
small moves
step by step
but when I look behind me and see exactly how far I have come I am amazed and I am proud

I can beat myself up for not yet being the person I want to be
I can wallow in the shame of the things that I have done
I can run away and begin again
but sooner or later it will catch my ass
like that whupin mama promised you for something you know you shouldn't have done

so instead
I will face it
I will learn
I will deal with it

I've done some shitty things
I acknowledge that
and it hurts.
To know that I have hurt others
it's a whirlwind to think your shit don't stink
and then to find out that you got the funkiest stuff around

I am sorry to all the people I trampled along the way to figuring the things out that I am finding out now. I know there are no words... there are only actions

Honestly i've spouted off so much bullshit
that I've got a funny taste in my mouth
I don't want it any more

I'm committed
I'm not depressed
in some deep dark crazy oh help me thing
I'm not angry
Im not looking to give righteous self justification,
Im not looking to get forgiveness
not any more

Fuck that

Cause no one can give me that which I have not given myself

What I'm looking for is my own reflection
What I'm going to get is my own redemption