He let me cry

I never really took a look at Terick's side...
Until today I was listening to Hootie and the Blowfish that song “Let Her Cry” and I almost started crying right there at work.

She sits alone by a lamppost/ Trying to find a thought that’s escaped her mind
She says dad’s the one I love the most / But stipe’s not far behind

She never lets me in / Only tell me where’s she’s been /When she’s had too much to drink
I say that I don’t care I just run my hands/Through her dark hair and then I pray to god
You gotta help me fly away

Chorus
And just...
Let her cry...if the tears fall down like rain
Let her sing...if it eases all her pain
Let her go...let her walk right out on me
And if the sun comes up tomorrow
Let her be...let her be.

This morning I woke up alone / Found a note by the phone
Saying maybe, maybe I’ll be back some day/ I wanted to look for you
You walked in I didn’t know just what I should do/ So I sat back down and had a beer and felt sorry for Myself.
Chorus x2

Last night I tried to leave/Cried so much I just Could not believe
She was the same girl I Fell in love with long ago
She went in the back to Get high/ I sat down on my couch And cried
Yelling oh mama please Help me/ Won’t you hold my hand.
Chorus x2

And then everything became so clear... and I fell so deeply in love with him again. We have been together almost seven years... most of which have been hard. Not because we fight... but because of money issues, family issues etcetera. And because of me... oh yes Terick has his faults too but he has been by my side through so much. On the months that depression and paranoia had me so fucked up in the head that I had to stay inside all day and cringe in a corner at night. He was there when I was threatening to kill myself and placed in a mental institution. When I was incorrectly dosed on anti depressants for two years... Through the insomnia, and horrible nightmares that would wake me up screaming. And then the cutting and self abuse. And when the inward implosive anger exploded outward at him he managed to remain calm while I railed into him with horrible words, he managed to hold me when two seconds later I would crumble, reduced to nothing. He took the weight of it, pushed and sometimes pulled me back to sanity when I thought that I would just die. And when I threatened to leave... because I felt like life was too much to handle, him too much to handle, our relationship to much to handle he told me he loved me as he opened the door and stood back... hoping that I would not leave... but willing to let me go if it would help heal me.
And I'm so sorry that it took me so long to get to the point that I am at now and that he had to wait so long for me.
So relived that he did wait for me.
That he does love me
that we both survived.
When I was a little girl I wanted so much to be rescued like one of those princesses' in the Disney movies... and then as I grew older I realized that no prince was coming and that I had to save myself... and I thought that I was weak if I could not.
And somehow along the way I became the dragon and the maiden both.
And he came charging in.
Not on a white horse in gleaming armor.
But armed non the less with his charm, and grace, and tolenace. His sparkling soul, gentle touch, magnificent sense or self.
And love
so its true what they say after all
seven years to realize it
He poured his love into my dead garden and it blossomed once more
That for once love was enough and more than I ever gave it credit for.
He's been my knight
He's stepped back and let me save myself when I could
But he's always been there ready for battle
ready for me
reaching down from his steed
to pull me up besides him
to fight with him
to fight together
to love with him
to love together


Edit 10/25/2012:

Dear Irene,

LIES all of them.  I'm keeping this posted because this present self does not want the future self to ever forget what fucking hell that relationship was.  And how little you had to think of yourself to be in it.   How easy it was to lie to yourself about it.
He was not there when you went into the mental institution.  When you were huddled in the corner cutting and not going outside be broke the fuck down.  No it was not his responsibility to pull you out of it.  But as some one who loved you he should have gotten help, told your mother anything that you would have done for someone who you loved.
He was not with you those two years you went batshit in Colorado because he was in California
He was never woke up when you cried out.
He was the reason you became angry remember.  All those fucking fights when he would tell you that you did not really feel that way you felt and that you were confused and that your thoughts and feelings were bullshit.

He never fucking saved you
He tried to kill you
He tried to kill ME
I am the woman you were fighting to be.  The  Burlesque Dancer, performer, hedonist, healer, writer and general bad ass
you saved you
you saved me
you are the only one that ever can
never forget that.

He let you cry
you made me live.