The dream

The dream returns  

I can feel it again...

wrapping around me like an old familar cloak. the darkness setting in... the feeling seeping out.

I have to stop it.

Before I stop caring.

How long have I been like this.

I'm afraid.

I cant sleep again.

My sanity is the sands upon the shore.I am having those thoughts again. The ones that creep up on me when I am not looking.

"kill yourself" the voice in my head says.

Why?" I ask like a silly child walking besides a dangerous stranger.

He grips my hand firmer leans down and smiles at me his teeth a brillant white against his pale cold skin. "Why live my sweet?" he replies. His hollow black eyes shining like headstone marble in susnset.

"Why live." I try to run from him but I get lost and end up in the corner of some backstreet crying my eyes out. And then there he is again. Leaning over me offering my hand takes me back into the enchanted forest... and we walk and talk about the weather until it turns to winter and he says

"all dies why not you."
 I break away from him and running into a feild. He smiles runs after me...his arms wind around my waist  and he  throws me to the ground. The dying sun making a bright orange halo over his head I look up at him comfortable in the soft grass

"Why not now. So much pain in life. You don' even know what you are doing with your life."he says and he lowers his lips to mine and whispers the words to me so that they become my own.

"If life is to be lived over and over again why not just be reborn and begin again."
"I am not a nano pet. People just don't have reset buttons. What about my friends my family...Terick what about them"
"You will have me"
The air grows cold it is always cold in my dreams. I wake up from a drug induced sleep. To proceed into a drug induced day. Everything is like quicksand around me. It is so hardto focus. to remember what I did last should I write everything down to remember. Am I finally getting my wish. Am I fading from reality. I do not want to be like this. I do not want to go back there. I do not want to do it.

I do not want to erase myself but it seems as if I have no control of it. I am outside of my self besides myself. HIdden I am on automatic. MY head is killing me. I have so much pain every time I try to come back to myself it hurts and I get all sleepy and that is how I am right now sleepy I just wan tto sleep all the time Like at Dillard.

My sanity is the sands upon the shore.