Seriously stop calling me...

[missrenie]

Seriously, stop calling me. 

You see I fear I am like a teenager that just got a new job and with it disposable income.  But this new job is being single and the disposable income is the pussy.    But i'm over it now... or at least I am over you.

It's not you its me.
Wait...  let me try to say that with a straight face.
....
Damn I can't
actually it is you
Non withstanding the fact that you were a complete moment of weakness, that if it wasn't you it would have been someone else.    It was really really bad.  Aside from that great stretch where you managed to get my knees completely parallel to my ears it was uneventful... which is an absolute shame, because someone tall, dark and handsome as you are with a voice like a lion in the wilds of  exotic Africa should have done better.

I should sue your ass  for false advertisement!!!!
Because of you I have to add a new tag to my live journal.

No i'm really not going to date you now, or answer your calls. Because you're just looking for a lay.   And trust me I am not hating on that at all.  But the sad thing is that you stimulate neither my mind nor my vagina... so I don't think we can do business.


Notes for future you

-Work on your technique.  You're all drive with no destination.
-Try hip rotations and variations in the pattern of your thrusts.   It keeps your partner from dying of boredom
-Three minutes... are you fucking with me.  I really thought that.  Thats the real reason I smiled.  Because see you were fucking with me.  It's funny huh?

-Don't get all cuddle right after.  You sweat like a pig monkey
-If she don't congratulate you for a job well done, roll over and smile, or fall immediately to sleep with a satisfied smirk don't ask how it was.   It's forcing her to become a liar. 
-Don't ask her how many times she came...it makes you look really pathetic and if you continue to ignore the advice directly above this  the real answer is and will always be zero.
 

oh I'm deleting you from my phone book right now.

Notes for future self:

find new hobby
find & use self control
find & wear iron underwear
don't date any one who:

-willingly names them-self after a prison
-has never heard jazz or bossa nova
-idolizes Biggie Smalls
-kisses like that squid monster in Aliens
-talks more bullshit than a pasture full of steers who's hay has been spiked with ducloax