This is stupid

This is stupid

How did this happen?
How did I end up in this untidy, awkward, uncomfortable, edge of a position?
Seriously.... this is stupid... this is fucking dumb and if I keep smiling this hard my jaw is going to pop off my fucking face.

I can't eat, I can't sleep, my mind is going a billion miles a minute.  All of a sudden I'm tongue tied and shy well semi-shy, questioning someone else responses, making all kinds of conscious efforts not to read too much into anything.  Smacking my hand against my forehead because I am having flashbacks of something dumb I said when I could have been
oh so smooth
oh so mysterious
oh so sexy
instead of oh so silent, silly or simple.

I'm tempted to turn to cosmo for advice and that's how fucking dumb this shit is.
It's offical
I'm sick

And what is this awful affliction
dare I say
luuuu.... like
yeah that's it deep deep heart wrenching, junior high, scribble your name on my note book like.

I'm in like... its all butterflies and mother fucking rainbows
really it is

except for:
the wondering if he is in like too
and that fact that is fast turning me into a goddamn moron that pisses me off immensely.



(fucking sigh)