missrenie: (Default)

For those of you who don't know we are kinda spoiled out here in California.  Some people out here are actually shocked to realize that racism still exists. When I recount stories from my childhood they cringe and say ooooooommmmmgeeeeeeee seriously dude.  They are rather dismayed to find that in certain areas of the United States your life expectations, habits, and activities are still dictated by the color of your skin. There is a whole list I could go into but near the top of that list is dating outside of the race.

 

Riiiing

me: Sup

~~:Hey

me: Haven't heard from you in a while

~~:Yeah... hey you really dating a white boy

me: ummmm yeah

~~:Yeah so you couldn't date me but you could date him

me: ummmm yeah

~~:is it because he's white

me: ummmm no it's because he doesn't suck... you know... like you.

 

 

 

Riiiiiiing

me: Hello

~~:Hello

me: Omgeee I haven't heard from you in forever!!!

~~:Yeah how your people and them

me: Good, where yah at darlin

~~:so so... so I heard that you are dating a white boy

me: You mean man

~~:Yeah "The Man" and I was thinking that maybe its just a phase like when you were a lesbian

me: I was never a lesbian

~~:I knew it!

me:No I never thought I was a lesbian I thought I  was bisexual

~~:oh well yeah that phase

me:It wasn't a phase I was just confused

~~:Yah you were

me: I wasn't lesbian or bisexual I'm totally pansexual

~~:Pah-what?!  What the hell is that?  Is that even a word? That's some shit you just made up.  Look whatever... just think about what you're getting into.

 

 

Riiiing

me: What

~~:(laughing)

me: What do you want

~~:I got a joke for you

me: Keep it

~~:Aww come on it's quick... knock knock

me: (silence)

~~:Knock Knock

me: (silence)

~~:Knock Knock

me: (sigh) Who's there

~~:Guess

me: Guess who

~~:Guess Who's coming to dinner!!!!! Bahahahahahahahaha

me: Damn't you suck!!! I'm hanging up!!!!

 

Okay so far and to date I've been accused of giving up on my black brothers, conspiring to "wash the line" (non-withstanding the fact that my ovaries are most likely completely useless) giving into a slave mentality and hating my own blackness. This is a complete double standard. 

 

I didn't take this much heat for dating a white woman.

 

~le sigh

anyways... I kinda expected all this so no big deal.  It's comical and something to blog about.  I was bouncing along pretty fine.  I had pre planned witty retorts tucked in all my pockets and a mug full of fuck you for the next person who was gonna preach to me about my failure as a black woman.  I was ready for anything

 

Anything except that old woman.

 

There is this woman I bump into sometimes... she calls me fat alot and gives me oranges.  I think this means she cares about me.   You maybe wondering why I subject myself to an old lady that verbally abuses me for my size then glares at me until I eat but she is totally the bees knees, gives great advice and is the exact kinda fuck-odd-devil-may-care-crazy I inspire to be at her age. She always asks me about my love life.  She is worried about me finding love since I am so fat.  She thinks I'll die old and alone which is really awful since I'm such a nice girl.   When I told her that I was dating she asked if he was fat too and I told her no.  She thought this was good because I would lose weight with him.  She then asked what he looked like and I told her, eyes, height, haircolor...

"Is he white"

"Yes"

"Ohhhh you will have such beautiful babies!!!!!"

 

I nearly chocked on my orange. She went on excitedly for five minutes about how lovely  our interracial children would be and how she wanted pictures.  She even gave me an extra orange.  The whole conversation left me feeling off balanced.  It was one of the few times I was stunned to silence.  I know she meant it as a compliment...I think, but we just started dating and she is already plotting our chromosomal mash-up exchange and outcome.  Besides aren't all babies supposed to be beautiful? Wait I can make that statement with a straight face...

 

I think

maybe...

 

Anywaysssssssssss, when I told him about it he kinda had the same reaction... "Did you thank her for planning the rest of our lives?"

 

She's not the only one who said that either.

 

At first I felt the need to say/scream  that my all black babies would be lovely and so would his all white babies. I think its hilarious that the people who support us so much that they want us to reproduce are making me more uncomfortable than the nay sayers. So I had to chill out and think about it.  Maybe when they see people who have love for each other despite the divide of ethnic and social differences it gives them hope for the world coming together as a whole... or maybe they really do have a fetish for multicultural children.

 

We were at Trader Joes gathering supplies to make a salad with. 

I suggested the white mushrooms because of the low price.

"The crimni have better coloring, same price"  And he grabs the brown mushrooms from the shelf.  I immediately become hypersensitive and hyper-aware... I even look around to see if anyone noticed.

"I think the white mushrooms have just as good coloring you know" I say defensively...  I may have pouted even.

 

He pauses and gives me an odd look... the one where he tilts his head to the side and kinda leans forward as if he is making sure that he is understanding what he is seeing.  I instantly stiffen and want to check my nose for buggers.  He pulls back and puts the brown mushrooms in the basket "You wanna know that I think... "  He says as he slips his fingers through mine and steers me toward checkout "I think that if the crimini mushrooms and the white mushrooms got together they would have beautiful babies."

missrenie: (Default)

I wonder if it happens to every woman....
Your going along just fine and then
bam
suddenly they are everywhere.

Babies... millions of them
You can't seem to escape them.

Every time you turn on the tv theres a godamn gerber add
Every time you turn on the radio there's some good mothering commercial
Every time you take the bus you either end up sitting across from one that is is just staring at you over his/her mother's shoulder or there is a picture of one glaring accusingly at you with its to- big- for- its- head eyes "why arent you a mommy yet!"

"BAH!!!" you say defiantly and out loud making the people next to you think you are insane.

But then
then
you get this naggin little itch that you try to ignore... you think "maybe it is something I ate" or " I knew I should have turned off that dumb ass lifetime station before I went to bed"
and it gets worse.

That little itch you used to get turns into a nudge and every time you see a baby your eyes glaze over and your head tilts to the side and your hands get a little warm...
Still you think its a bad piece of tofu or something and you continue along your merry little way believing that you are a complete person and trying to prove to all the wed soccer moms that your life is really great because you are not cleaning up baby vomit and cooking dinner for some chauvinist bastard with a stomach that hangs over his belt a huge bald spot you cant resist sticking things too and bad night time gas.

but then one of your friends pops one out
someone you know right... like personally and aside from stinky diapers  and losing 3 hours of sleep per night it really isn't as bad as you made it out to be
and that nudge turns into someone grabbing your ovaries... like every time you see a baby you get "ovary ache" (gasp)

No No No (you scream) This isn't me... this isn't what I want!!!!
I want:
raunchy sex
successfully achieved states of non violent semi-drunken euphoria,
muscle men with nipple rings,
free space in the back seat of my car,
a purse that is weighs under five pounds
and sharp edges on my furniture!!!!!!!!!

but then the baby smiles at you
(little bastard)
and you know something beyond yourself, in the brief span of that smile that "ovary ache" spreads up and into your heart and with every beat of it you pulse and flutter with love and a glimpse of what completeness must feel like.

!!!!!!Damn Mother Nature and her hormonal havoc reeking hell!!!!
Shes a tricky bitch
but I love her so

It does not matter what type of relationship you had with your parents
It does not matter what you told yourself about possibly being a horrid mother
It does not matter that you're sure the kid would turn out like his/her father...
or worse like you.
Because what matters is the feeling of that child growing in your womb
what matters is watching her/him grow and learn
what matters is discovering the world through their eyes
what matters is knowing the completeness of..mother and child

Despite the raging of your mind, your body becomes softer to nuture, your mind sharper to protect, your heart larger to really love.

You begin to think that lugging around 10 pounds of baby supplies could be good for you since you keep skipping out on the gym and just because a man or woman has nipple rings does not necessarily mean that he/she is good in bed (at least that is what you tell yourself)
~~~le sigh
that is why im doing what I am doing now...
darn aching ovaries
and staring-bus-babies
I can blame the body snatchers later.


 

 


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missrenie

November 2011

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