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missrenieAnd into Walgreens
Day 2
2:30 2nd break
(I start with day 2 because day 1 was full of boring ass videos)
After crying myself to sleep last night and having a dream about a wolf ripping my throat out and disemboweling me and my eyes being gouged out, I got up and came to work
It is my first full day behind the register.
At one point this really nice guy in a suit came in. Business type, super man smile, tall, dark, hair, tan, brown eyes, three packs of altoids. He smelled good and I wanted him to take me.
Not in a sexual kind of way. In a I want you to employee you , and employ you now kind of way.
I had day dreams of him all day. Coming in with a desk organizer kit wrapped in neutral muslin toned organza with a soft peach ribbon. Getting down on one knee and begging me to be his pencil pusher… again not in a sexual kind of way.
Is this how psych majors feel?
I'm so depressed.
Day 4
7:15 1st break
Got to work at 5am today.
So over it. Still dislike it but no nearly as depressed as the first day
12:00 2nd break
I'm so depressed
Day 5
10:00 1st break
I'm a goddess.
So I can take this
Learn from it
Change and survive.
I can adapt and then overcome
What am I getting from this? I am getting stronger. I am learning my worth, I am being healthy aside from not being able to eat lunch in this place because it is grody as fuck. At least the color has returned to my skin again, who knew I could get flushed. And with all the pain in my back and feet walking on stilettos will be nothing
1:00 lunch
"But you know you cant always see when you're right
You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you"
Damn song
Damn soft rock Walgreen song
Is the divine trying to speak to me through Walgreen
Impossible
Or at least improbable
I think im going crazy
I wish Terick would at least look for a job.
Day 6
If I hear that "All I Am" song on more fucking time I will start running through the aisle screaming. Do you hear me Olivia Newton John…. You FUCKING SUCK I HATE YOU!!!!!
Who thinks of this shit… I mean who chooses this music…. Half the time it gives me hope of something better and then the other half of the time it makes me feel broken and defeated. Is this their plan. Is this how they keep us here. Are they breaking us through music?! Those sick twisted corporate bastards!!!!
I'm losing my mind here…. I have to start listening to my Mp3 player at lunch.
Day 7
I have finally pin pointed this feeling… when I come in I go through what is commonly know as the five stages of grief
1. DENIAL --- It's not that bad… I mean people work jobs like this every day. They do it… so can I. I am really just blowing this situation out of proportion. I can do this. It is not that bad.
2. ANGER --- What the fuck!!! I hate this job. I hate this situation. My feet hurt, my head hurts. My soul is being sucked out of my fucking body!!!! If that woman doesn't stop paying with 1,000 pennies I am going to rip her head off and use that god awful wig as a tea cozy
3. BARGAINING --- Okay if I can just make it to lunch everything will be just fine. I mean after that its all good right. I'll be going down hill after that. Please please Goddess just let me get to lunch okay and then I'll be good I promise. I'll stop thinking about battering old ladies and plotting the over throw of the Walgreens music station okay… hello?... anybody listening?.
4. DEPRESSION --- "Oh God, what am I doing… this is it isn't it. my life… my ceiling. This is just what I deserve isn't it. I have been uppity, vain, arrogant and childish and this is my punishment, my lower level of Dante. Graduated top ten in my class I did, classically trained pianist, published author (short stories albeit), actress… all these gifts that I didn't use. This is my life now. Pushing this cart with these totes around, cleaning the grubby toilet, taking instructions from a person whose only proficiency is in being a complete incompetent imbecile. I'm a disgrace to my entire lineage… The slave, the freedom fighters, those who died so I can have a better life… I threw it all away. I need to take my 15 minute break so I can lock myself in the bathroom and cry…. Damn florescent lighting I look at least 10 years older and 10 years heavier… aye me!!!
5. ACCEPTANCE --- "Ok. This is it for now. It really is not what I am making it out to be. I just need to do my job the best I can while I look for another one. This is where I am right now but it is not who I am… no more than it is my co-workers. It is a means to an end. It is not the end… or the end of the world and I do not have to be so melodramatic. Okay Irene pull yourself together… deep breathe… and… oh look its time to clock out!!!!
Anyways…. I lasted about two more weeks before some personal things happened and I called it quits.
I have so much respect for the people who work those jobs at the stores and restaurants and janitor services. Sometimes… a lot of times we are all so rude to those people. We feel as if we can be mean or short tempered to a store clerk and still be good people. That's a shitty way to be. Shelves don't stock themselves, floors don't clean themselves, toilets aren't magically sanitized by a white gloved bathroom fairy in a tutu.
No matter how much I may want to believe in the bathroom fairy she simply does not exist.
It took doing something I really did not want to do to realize that I should be going after what I do want with total abandon. I am glad because some people are 40 before the come to this realization.
Before they realize that they are wonderful and worthy and that they owe it to themselves, their ancestors, their descendants, to be the best that they can be. Whether that means working as a sales associate or as a ceo. For me that means becoming, healthy, whole, an outstanding certified massage therapist, nationally celebrated published author, dominatrix, learning to speak Klingon and anything else that happens to catch my fancy.
Day 2
2:30 2nd break
(I start with day 2 because day 1 was full of boring ass videos)
After crying myself to sleep last night and having a dream about a wolf ripping my throat out and disemboweling me and my eyes being gouged out, I got up and came to work
It is my first full day behind the register.
At one point this really nice guy in a suit came in. Business type, super man smile, tall, dark, hair, tan, brown eyes, three packs of altoids. He smelled good and I wanted him to take me.
Not in a sexual kind of way. In a I want you to employee you , and employ you now kind of way.
I had day dreams of him all day. Coming in with a desk organizer kit wrapped in neutral muslin toned organza with a soft peach ribbon. Getting down on one knee and begging me to be his pencil pusher… again not in a sexual kind of way.
Is this how psych majors feel?
I'm so depressed.
Day 4
7:15 1st break
Got to work at 5am today.
So over it. Still dislike it but no nearly as depressed as the first day
12:00 2nd break
I'm so depressed
Day 5
10:00 1st break
I'm a goddess.
So I can take this
Learn from it
Change and survive.
I can adapt and then overcome
What am I getting from this? I am getting stronger. I am learning my worth, I am being healthy aside from not being able to eat lunch in this place because it is grody as fuck. At least the color has returned to my skin again, who knew I could get flushed. And with all the pain in my back and feet walking on stilettos will be nothing
1:00 lunch
"But you know you cant always see when you're right
You got your passion you got your pride
But don't you know only fools are satisfied?
Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize
Vienna waits for you"
Damn song
Damn soft rock Walgreen song
Is the divine trying to speak to me through Walgreen
Impossible
Or at least improbable
I think im going crazy
I wish Terick would at least look for a job.
Day 6
If I hear that "All I Am" song on more fucking time I will start running through the aisle screaming. Do you hear me Olivia Newton John…. You FUCKING SUCK I HATE YOU!!!!!
Who thinks of this shit… I mean who chooses this music…. Half the time it gives me hope of something better and then the other half of the time it makes me feel broken and defeated. Is this their plan. Is this how they keep us here. Are they breaking us through music?! Those sick twisted corporate bastards!!!!
I'm losing my mind here…. I have to start listening to my Mp3 player at lunch.
Day 7
I have finally pin pointed this feeling… when I come in I go through what is commonly know as the five stages of grief
1. DENIAL --- It's not that bad… I mean people work jobs like this every day. They do it… so can I. I am really just blowing this situation out of proportion. I can do this. It is not that bad.
2. ANGER --- What the fuck!!! I hate this job. I hate this situation. My feet hurt, my head hurts. My soul is being sucked out of my fucking body!!!! If that woman doesn't stop paying with 1,000 pennies I am going to rip her head off and use that god awful wig as a tea cozy
3. BARGAINING --- Okay if I can just make it to lunch everything will be just fine. I mean after that its all good right. I'll be going down hill after that. Please please Goddess just let me get to lunch okay and then I'll be good I promise. I'll stop thinking about battering old ladies and plotting the over throw of the Walgreens music station okay… hello?... anybody listening?.
4. DEPRESSION --- "Oh God, what am I doing… this is it isn't it. my life… my ceiling. This is just what I deserve isn't it. I have been uppity, vain, arrogant and childish and this is my punishment, my lower level of Dante. Graduated top ten in my class I did, classically trained pianist, published author (short stories albeit), actress… all these gifts that I didn't use. This is my life now. Pushing this cart with these totes around, cleaning the grubby toilet, taking instructions from a person whose only proficiency is in being a complete incompetent imbecile. I'm a disgrace to my entire lineage… The slave, the freedom fighters, those who died so I can have a better life… I threw it all away. I need to take my 15 minute break so I can lock myself in the bathroom and cry…. Damn florescent lighting I look at least 10 years older and 10 years heavier… aye me!!!
5. ACCEPTANCE --- "Ok. This is it for now. It really is not what I am making it out to be. I just need to do my job the best I can while I look for another one. This is where I am right now but it is not who I am… no more than it is my co-workers. It is a means to an end. It is not the end… or the end of the world and I do not have to be so melodramatic. Okay Irene pull yourself together… deep breathe… and… oh look its time to clock out!!!!
Anyways…. I lasted about two more weeks before some personal things happened and I called it quits.
I have so much respect for the people who work those jobs at the stores and restaurants and janitor services. Sometimes… a lot of times we are all so rude to those people. We feel as if we can be mean or short tempered to a store clerk and still be good people. That's a shitty way to be. Shelves don't stock themselves, floors don't clean themselves, toilets aren't magically sanitized by a white gloved bathroom fairy in a tutu.
No matter how much I may want to believe in the bathroom fairy she simply does not exist.
It took doing something I really did not want to do to realize that I should be going after what I do want with total abandon. I am glad because some people are 40 before the come to this realization.
Before they realize that they are wonderful and worthy and that they owe it to themselves, their ancestors, their descendants, to be the best that they can be. Whether that means working as a sales associate or as a ceo. For me that means becoming, healthy, whole, an outstanding certified massage therapist, nationally celebrated published author, dominatrix, learning to speak Klingon and anything else that happens to catch my fancy.
