So I'm graduating in like two months.
March, April, May 3rd BAM! I'm certified. I'll be given my receipt and kicked out of the womb and into world. It's kinda sad. I look forward to graduation. I look forward to the completion of it. But I love my school and I love my classmates and I love what I have become because of my school and my classmates… and well it's just a ton of honest to goddess love and happiness. It's like ice cream. Really good ice cream that you didn't have to buy yourself on a hot as hell day. You love it, want more of it but you know its going to run out. And while you are enjoying it now you can see the bottom of cone coming up.
I'm not making much sense am I?
I blame that on the hormone therapy and the allergy meds (earth's decided to have all kinds of crazy plant sex and it's my sinuses that end up screwed)
Anyway… I graduate in two months
March, April, May 3rd and damn… Terick's freaking out.
Since my family may be coming and he wants have everything in order. He hasn't exactly hit it off with them and the whole LA fiasco didn't help things. He wants to assure them that he is a good provider and all that lovely stuff. It's important to him. And I think it's sweet. I'm glad he cares what they think but I'm getting annoyed.
For the past few weeks he has been trying to pin me down to go look at apartments and getting a little miffed that I don't have the time to go with him. 40hr work + 10hrs commute + 16 hours class + 8 hours externship + 5 hours gym + 6 hours general massage on personal clients= 1 bottle of strawberry Boones Farm and whole lot of I don't want to go anywhere by Sunday.
So today he sends me this e-mail talking about getting a new car, new apartment, etc in the next two months and all the stuff that goes along with getting a new car and new apartment. It was too overwhelming.
I almost bit my flatscreen.
And then I think about it. There are a lot of things in my life that I am embarrassed about right now. Little secrets that I don't want people to know because I don't want them to think less of me. Or think that I am crazy, insane, weird or diffrent. I used to write these things down in a journal when ever they got to me. But one day someone found this journal and read it to my family on conference call. And instead of feeling angry or betrayed I felt liberated!
I felt liberated because I wasn't hiding it anymore and honestly who in my family is really going to come up to me and say "So… that stuff about the lesbian sex… was that all true?" I put so much energy into hiding my deep dark secrets that it was exhausting the freak out of me and I refuse to do it again. The worst part about this is that nobody cares about said deep dark secerts. They are too busy trying to beat there's back into the closet with a broom.
So here goes.
-The car… dear gawd the car! That's situation is so ghetto that I try not to think
about it. (If you want the full story I am easily bribed with mojitos)
-And the fact that we are still living with his parents is another touchy issue.
- All of our belongings that are important to us can fit in the trunk of ghetto car
- I've only lost 20 pounds since October.
-And the wedding is off for another year cause I really want it in September but I'm too exhausted to deal with it and i've only lost 20 pounds
-My hormones are still unbalanced so I still have to shave my face every other day.
-My credit is fubar (well slightly fubar)
-I still haven't figured out how to tell my future mother in law that I am pagan
-and yesterday I curled up in a fetal position and devoured an entire bar Ghirardelli dark chocolate and strawberries (strawberries are in season now).
but you know what aside from all that and this head cold I feel great!!! I really do.
I told Terick that our situation is our situation. I accept that. I acknowledge it for what it is no matter how embarrassing it is. And I refuse to rush into fixing it just so we can say. "Look at what we did" come May 3rd. It takes time and I want to make sure things are done correctly.
I also told him to stop saying budget and buffet incorrectly for the next few days. I'm hormonal and it makes me want to rip his head off because I think about our unborn kids and how they will walk around saying things like buuuujet and buffit. And I seriously consider never procreating with him or doing activities that lead to procreation again.
So that's it
No witty antidotes
No life lesson
Just plain and simple and without the frills, full of imperfection and brimming with blemishes
Ps I also love what refined ears would call bad music... Like that week I got "Paint is Black" stuck in my head. It was not the Rolling Stones version... it was Vanessa Carlton. and I am so guilt of blasting Linkin Park while speeding down 101. I know they only have "one song"(since they all sound alike) but it has like 30 diffrent flavors :)