missrenie: (Default)
I am a bit devil-may-care in the kitchen.  I get really hyped or tipsy as I cook and neglect to use little things like measurements.  My education wasn’t learned from a book but watching my mom and aunt in the kitchen. Things were not written down.  In the south- well definitely in my family if you wanted to learn how to cook a dish you went into the kitchen and watched them do it.  You didn’t speak, offer advice or give them your take.  You chopped onions if they trusted you enough to do that. 
In my case I chopped onions while trying to take nips from the Jack Daniel's we were using to flavor the damn thing.
I promise to write out the next few recipes with daRuz.  He’s really good about things like measurements and baking times and temperatures and not getting all tipsy while trying to get the meal to the table.
It's my first Vegan Thanksgiving and I'm trying to figure out ways to convert my traditional Southern favorites into vegan friendly delights. 

Can't be done!! says you
Vegan and Southern in the same sentence are you smoking crack?! says you.

Bite me!
and then bite into my dinner
both will be fucking delicious says I
Jack Daniel’s Sweet Potatoes

4 to 5 large sweet potatoes
½ Jack Daniel’s or Kentucky Bourbon
¼ Orange Juice
Vegan Butter
Spice Blend
Spice blend (pick your poison and flavor to taste)
Sweet: (start with 2 tsp of each) cinnamon, nutmeg, pumpkin pie spice, tbsp brown sugar, tbsp honey
Spicy: (start with a tsp of each) cardamom, cinnamon, ginger, turmeric
Sizzle: coriander, cumin, chili powder, turmeric

Cut the potatoes in half length wise, bake them at like 375 for 30-40 until soft

Remove the skins while they are still warm or cold depends on how hard core you are

Mash the hell out of them with two tablespoons of fake vegan butter substance your jack and orange juice.  Add more of either liquid until you get it loose and all "mash potatoey" like. I would add more liquor since that seems to be a great at getting things/people to loosen up easily

Mix in your spice blend of choice and pour into an oven safe dish

Butter your baking dish and pop that bastard in the oven and bake at 350 for 20 to 30 mins or until hot and bubbly like … take a shot or two of whiskey while you wait

Highly recommended options for putting oneself into a sugar induced comma

Before baking cover with a light dusting of brown sugar, drizzle with honey and pats of butter
Cover with a mixture of ¼ cup brown sugar, ½ cup oatmeal, 3 tbsp of butter in cute little tiny pats

Extra credit: take an orange and zest the outside of it into your potatoes.  In the name of all things holy wash the damn thing first and don't zest past the white part under the skin or your dish will taste like bitter ass.  Instead of using bottled orange juice slice that bad boy open and squeeze the juice in.  Ann Burrell has this bass ass trick where she pierces the orange half with her butcher knife and squeezes the juice out.  While I don't recommend this unless you are a pro or have insurance or dull ass knife I will admit to trying it while my boyfriend's back was turned.... it was awesome.
missrenie: (Default)
I met my mother's side of the family for Thanksgiving.
I bumped into my cousin at the gym. She recognized me right off. I was shocked. I knew that I had family in California. And even though I have been here for four years I have never attempted to make contact with them.
Reasons for this ranges from personal insanity to horrible childhood memories of being forced into visiting my father who could care less about my existence and his family for holidays, birthdays, etc.
Was not their fault (the family I mean). They were all quite nice people. But it was my father that I could not stand. An over grown child unwilling to accept the fact that abandoning the 32 year old woman he impregnated with twins (yes yes it does take 2 to tango) and not even making a cameo in their lives until they were 13 was socially, morally, and ethically unacceptable. And then to go further by making promises that were never kept. Plans that never came to fruition blah blah breaking hearts and taking names.
I mean I had already killed him in my mind... some valiant solider slain because he had thrown himself over a native woman of some far off country in order to protect her and her unborn children... he a human shield of fragile flesh and bone. His body jerking as the bullets ripped into his muscles, puncturing organs and major arteries, even a lung. The only vital that remained untouched was his perfect heart... but alas it was not enough and so my make believe daddy perished. This made up memory of course played in black in white with my father portrayed by a delicate but robust splicing of Gene Kelly, Sidney Poitier, and Yul Brynner. Needless to say that when I found out he was alive I was confused. And when I met the ewok of a man I was dismayed and disappointed... I tried many nights to snuggle into my bed and conjure up that smoky vision but that illusion was shattered. He had taken even that way from me. My reason my explanations my why... Because of him that ship once proud and silver gilded sailed from harbor and was dragged unceremoniously into the abyss by the Craken....
over and over
So yeah
daddy issues
Any who
"fuck it"
I said
out loud and repeatedly to myself... so often that Terick no longer requested what I was saying "fuck it" about
I was not going to let daddy issues get in the way of me having a big and possibly good family experience
I accepted the offer for Thanksgiving with my mothers side of the family a week in advance.
2 hours before afore mention blessed event I was in a state of panic despite giving myself a facial, taking a long hot shower with sea salt exfoliation and banging on my Tibetan meditation bowl (x-nay on the sage smells too much like reefer and it lingers).
I called my mother nearly in tears seeking the solace that only she could give which was as follows:
"I can't help your silly ass with a damn thing. I don't know that side of the family. I was hoping you would come back and tell me. I can tell you who's dead and whose alive and stuff like that. You need to calm the hell down hussy... damn take a breath. Any way happy Thanksgiving , mama loves you... And take a chill pill for Christ sakes."
15 outfit changes
7 pieces of toast
4 pep talks with myself
3unreasonable arguments with Terick for interrupting my pep talks
and two fights with two bottles of Casa de Fructa Pomegranate wine and mulberry, gold trimmed bows
I arrived via my cousin in Daly City and seated at the table of my Aunt or cousin Irene.
Where I was accepted, and loved, and fed. Embraced given a seat of honor and teased by uncle my cousin? Irene and other wonderful people. Who scared Terick and offered me enlightenment simultaneously with the stories of my Great Grandmother Virginia Kelly ( a bootlegger in the proabition South). According to them I am a direct heir of the hot boiling "Ly" (pronounced Lee) Blood. From the stories this woman was a half crazed warrior Goddess. All the women directly descended from her are docile, sweet, shy and companionable unless they are "set-off". This "set-off" can happen at the drop of a hat, or for no reason at all and is worse when the woman feels she or her kin is in danger. The result is terrifying... so terrifying that the father of another heir to the Ly blood told his future son in law that he was insane for marrying his daughter and he wished him the best.
as a side note the male descendants of Great Grand Virginia Kelly are hard to put out, and difficult to make upset, pliable, easy going. It is as if the women in the family sucked all the tabasco out of their blood and kept ti for their own.
I thanked them whole heartedly for the explanation
and they in turn patted Terick on the back like a man on his way to the gallows.
Turns out my temperament is not purely environmental
and neither was my mother's
apples and trees


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