I really hate that expression. It sounds so pessitimitic. I want to punch the people in the throat that use it. But since I already feel like I have been punched in the throat I'm totally gonna use it.
I wake up bleeding from my vagina. Since I have not had a natural period in ten years my first thought is "Holy shit I didn't play that hard at the dungeon did I?!" I force myself to calm down because I have to get to work. And I heal quickly anyways sooo by Sunday I should be fine.
I spend the first part of Sunday curled up into a ball because it feels like some sadistic bastard grabbed my uterus and started squeezing maybe I did play to hard!!! I call my playmate and ask her if she noticed anything funny on Friday. To which she said no and asked if I was having my period. At this point I am embarrassed. Bleeding profusely, cramps, head aches, motion sickness, craving: red meat, chocolate, sex, the mass slaughter of those found guilty of being stupid...duh!
"Was it always like this?" I moan over the phone. The answer is yes.
Aside from losing so much blood that I am simultaneously fascinated and horrified I develop general malaise and laryngitis just in time for public speaking. Instead of being down about all these schenaigains I'm pissed. I'm raising my fist in defiance at a sadistic Matronly Mother Goddess screaming "How could You!? This is one of the grooviest things I've gotten to do in my life. Speaking as part of a panel regarding Healthcare in the GLBTQ community. I thought You liked us!!!"
She must have found my ranting hilarious because the bleeding reached level ridiculous.... by 3pm I'd lost so much blood that I feel faint. On my way home from work I make a desperate phone call to Terick who comes over to find me half dead and half dressed on the floor of my room. He gets me dressed, hydrated, out the door, to my destination and back home again with zero super dickery and tons of compassion.
"You're a good man" I say as he tucks me in
"You're opinion will change when you're better" He assures me
"Fuck you... if I say you are a good man then I mean it you bastard"
"There's the Irene we all know and love" he kisses my forehead with practiced condescension while I make a feeble attempt at smacking him but I'm weak and tucked in far too well to do so. So I hiss instead and fall right off to sleep.
14 hours later I wake up
go to work
go back to sleep for 4 hours at work
work for 3
go back to sleep
Its Wednesday I've figured out why I get the laryngitis. I'm a mouth breather with sever allergies and the immune system of a decrepit old woman in a dark and dingy cell. The solution: keep my fucking mouth closed when around allergens like pollen and cats and buy a humidifier. Waaaay harder than it sounds trust me.... the keeping my mouth closed bit.
The blood loss seems to be tapering off so my energy level has picked up
and I no longer want to eat dead cows
or strangle two year olds
or the stupid which is especially significant and noteworthy since I'm headed to Reno to dance at a club opening this Saturday.
wish me luck ;)