missrenie: (Default)



I guess I never told you(all)  the deal.  I just assumed that since you peeped the profile and actually paid attention during our conversations that I would never have to break it down like this.  But I guess I was mistaken.

I’ll only say this once.



Dear Mr. Friday,

I am not:
Your mistress

Your heart may be polyamorus but your marriage is not.  Your wife agreed to certain things and I respect her and her wishes. We will continue to be just dungeon buddies but if you keep pressing me so help me goddess we won’t even be that.

 In addition to not being your mistress I am also not your celibate mistress. 


Ps. My heart is poly too.



Dear Mr. Vanilla,

I am not :

Sick and misguided and in need of your gentle handling to show me the error of my hedonistic ways. When I said that I liked my hair pulled and my ass slapped I meant it.  No amount of kind cuddling is going to get me wet.  And you should know that by now due to personal experience.

Ps. We both know you’re not as vanilla as you are pretending to be.
Pss.  I do love the after sex cuddle...you should totally keep that.


Dear Mr. All American Cowboy,

I am not:
A horse

You can not tame me, break me, change me.  Pagan, Poly, Bisexual, Kinky these things are not choices they are huge parts of who I am.

Ps.  you're gay or at the very least bisexual. 
Thats a big part of who you are stop fighting it and just accept it.

To Mr. Jehovah Witness

I am not:
In need of you to save me… you’re not Jesus.

And please stop  crying to me about how conflicted you feel about last month.  I’m not Jesus either.   I asked you if you had reconciled your desires with your god and you said yes.  I suggest you go see your priest/minister.


I said god
not your genitalia.



To Mr Player:

I am not :
Crying over you when you don’t give me a ring on the celly.

That male voice you heard in the background when you did manage to dial the digits... yeah that was your replacement Mr. Vanilla.


Don’t hate me hate the game.




For all the rest.  Please read position description before submitting your application.



Pagan/Pagan friendly, Polyamous/ Poly friendly, Kinky, Geek/ geek friendly Spiritual male or female
who enjoys open communication, reading, learning, drinking exotic teas and experiencing new things.  Must have own life, goals and tool box with basic knowledge on how to use said tools.  Should be reasonably neat, logical, less neurotic than I am.  Must be patient, kind, open minded and tolerant and appreciative.   Honest compassionate critiques regarding art work and life in general is mandatory...  good spelling is a plus since I suck at it.  Please be willing to be physically active and supportive of my life/life style and goals, able to take and give in equal measure.
Have a light grey to dark khol sense of humor
Love music
Tolerant of snorers or fall asleep quickly.


Must be seeking the same minus the logical.




Bonus points if you take it in the ass.


~xoxo Miss Renie

missrenie: (Default)

Last weekends sex-capades  left me all fucked up in the head.

After talking to a few level headed friends who suggested the following:


*Intimacy is a thing of perception.  What you interpreted as love making may have been his standard fair.  Remember hun you’re ass to elbow into some weird multi-favored shit… normal maybe starting to taste exotic to you.

 *There are guys who just want to please women you know (this was stated to me very defensly).  Doesn’t mean he’s in love with you just that he likes making love and until he asks you to formally be his girly then
A: just enjoy it with no emotional attachments
B: stop fucking/ making love to him

 *You’re not in love you’re in stupid.  I think you should come over so I can slap you.  Maybe give you that some sense you’re sorely lacking.

 *This guy is a stickler for rules.  And he is breaking his personal rules for you.  He may have real feelings for you but is freaking out about logistics.  Or he doesn’t and he’s using the logistics as an excuse. 

 *Maybe its your body’s way of telling you to slow the hell down you dirty whore.  Maybe you actually want one man and not three hundred. 

 *You… one guy, vanilla sex, no hair pulling or strap-ons?  Who the hell are you trying to kid.  You’re delirious from lack of sleep and a proper spanking.  Take a nap, get thee to a dungeon and talk to me in the morning.



I decide to take him for another run just to be figure out if: 
A: that I am in deep deep like with him
B: that I was delirious from lack of sleep and a proper spanking.

So last night I’m clutching the edge of the stove top and leaning dangerously close to an almost whistling teapot as he grinds against me enthusiastically from the back.  It’s hard to pour tea when someone’s biting on your neck but we both really needed it.  The tea I mean. Turns out that I gave him a nasty viral throat infection last Sunday that I wasn’t aware I had at the time.

We cuddle, drink our tea.  And I wonder if sleeping with him again is the best course of action.  Laying in his arms with my head against his chest felt too good.  But  then I figure that any guy who likes my herbal tea, doesn’t flinch or look at me crazy when I tell him about the coven and still thinks I’m sexy after serving him up a slice of the special hell I’ve been in since Wednesday  is worth another roll in the hay. 

Besides it would be like kissing after we both ate garlic… “a negating effect since I’ve already infected him”... this is his theory.  I suggest giving him a massage.  I actually do give him a professional massage with no hanky panky.

 I inform him of his body issues.  Suggest a course of action and I can barely get the lotion away before it’s all “hacha and whoopee”. 

And this time I screamed louder when I came.
This time I went into with a sense humor instead of heartbreak and you know what, maybe my logic is skewed but it worked out in my favor anyway.  I figured out that what I've got is something far better than a fuck buddy.  I have a love buddy.  Which is kinda like a fuck buddy but better. 

See my love buddy cares about my day, my life and when he is going to see me again, he wants to know what I am thinking, and how he can please me. He teaches me to load and shoot winchester rifles and remembers the things that I say and sometimes peer pressures me into eating beef.
I care about my love buddies goals and pursuits, whether or not he made it home okay, I know the names of his siblings and that when he was 12 he had a blond patch of hair... just one patch admist all that brown  and how a specific shade of green turns his eyes really really blue... and I make him laugh.  Alot. 

I really like him
and I really enjoy my time with him. We both enjoy our time with each other, moaning and laughing, touching and tickling. Holding eachother and breathing.

There was no embarrassment as he massaged a horrendous cramp out of my left thigh while kissing my right knee.  And in the after glow as we cuddled under my blanket I told him about my mother and he told me about his.    

I saw the pain in his eyes when he spoke of the cancer that killed her.


He knows my secrets.
He’s seen me at my worst and best
He likes me just as wild and free as I am.
He hasn’t asked me to change in any way.

His secrets are silent but on the surface.
And at he worst he is harsh on himself at his best he is passionately focused
He is controled and displined, intelligent and giving
I wouldn't want him to change in any way

His hands were warm as he touched me and I told him so.

He replied with “warm hands cold heart” 
I cupped my hands around my mouth and breathed out hot air against his chest.   I was smiling with childish satisfaction as looked back up at him.   He was laughing, the lines around his eyes deepening and within them I saw that struggle that hesitation but he drew me closer and kissed me anyway and rubbed his nose against mine.

So I love him.

So I  make love to him.

But I'm not in love with him.  See I’ve learned the lesson of the tree.  How some people are roots and stay forever, how some people are branches and can fall away, how some people are leaves and are for a season only.  There is danger in trying to turn a leaf to root.


Intuition tells me  that he is a leaf. 


And that’s alright. 

I accept that. 

I’ll revel in this season. Because right now he’s a little island of sanity within all the insanity of this amazing and awkward adventure I call my life. If he ends up touching me like that for only a little while…If we end up touching each other like that only for a little while then so be it. 


Because he has touched me


In a positive way
that will remain with me
long after he himself  is gone~~~


Jan. 20th, 2009 02:20 pm
missrenie: (Default)
I'm so fucking neurotic that if it were a crime I should be locked away for life.
I just re-read my last few postings.
That was some shit straight outta Jane Austen. I should be slapped.
This is the exact reason why I  try not sleep with people I actually really really like.

He may have not felt the same way I did.
Or he may have and it freaking out too.
I am not in any way ready to commit to a relationship.
I enjoy my life the way it is now.
Not that I don't get lonely or really want someone to hold me and take out the trash, someone I can cook for, who actually likes that digusting sound I make in the back of my throat when I am sick...

But lets face it. I don't give a damn about my bad reputation and Donna Reid I am not! 
I am not for changing, quieting down, or locking myself into one saddle.
And if I have to play a game to date I would rather not do it at the same time I understand that my candor can be mistaken for more that what it is.

I'm over it now... well almost

my only regret:
that I didn't scream louder when I came.


I'm: feigning indiffrence for sanity's sake
missrenie: (Default)

Seriously, stop calling me. 

You see I fear I am like a teenager that just got a new job and with it disposable income.  But this new job is being single and the disposable income is the pussy.    But i'm over it now... or at least I am over you.

It's not you its me.
Wait...  let me try to say that with a straight face.
Damn I can't
actually it is you
Non withstanding the fact that you were a complete moment of weakness, that if it wasn't you it would have been someone else.    It was really really bad.  Aside from that great stretch where you managed to get my knees completely parallel to my ears it was uneventful... which is an absolute shame, because someone tall, dark and handsome as you are with a voice like a lion in the wilds of  exotic Africa should have done better.

I should sue your ass  for false advertisement!!!!
Because of you I have to add a new tag to my live journal.

No i'm really not going to date you now, or answer your calls. Because you're just looking for a lay.   And trust me I am not hating on that at all.  But the sad thing is that you stimulate neither my mind nor my vagina... so I don't think we can do business.

Notes for future you
-Work on your technique.  You're all drive with no destination.
-Try hip rotations and variations in the pattern of your thrusts.   It keeps your partner from dying of boredom
-Three minutes... are you fucking with me.  I really thought that.  Thats the real reason I smiled.  Because see you were fucking with me.  It's funny huh?
-Don't get all cuddle right after.  You sweat like a pig monkey
-If she don't congratulate you for a job well done, roll over and smile, or fall immediately to sleep with a satisfied smirk don't ask how it was.   It's forcing her to become a liar. 
-Don't ask her how many times she came...it makes you look really pathetic and if you continue to ignore the advice directly above this  the real answer is and will always be zero.

oh I'm deleting you from my phone book right now.

Notes for future self:
find new hobby
find & use self control
find & wear iron underwear
don't date any one who:
-willingly names them-self after a prison
-has never heard jazz or bossa nova
-idolizes Biggie Smalls
-kisses like that squid monster in Aliens
-talks more bullshit than a pasture full of steers who's hay has been spiked with ducloax
missrenie: (Default)

6969 Bliss Street
Hornyville, Cali-fornication
Just out-side of reality USA

Dear Irene:

I know you're thinking about it. 
Despite the fact that a few months/ weeks/ days/ hours (please circle one) ago you swore you wouldn't.
Remember last time  ________/________/_______(insert date)

You spent Day 1: unable to work effectively because you were too busy shivering uncontrollably and  in ecstasy.  Not only did you forget to do several key things essential  to your job, you also got to work late because of exhaustion. This caused ________________  (insert name(s) here) to mock you.

You spent Day 2 &3
: unable work or shut the hell up.  Every other word that came out of your mouth was____________________ this __________________ that  (insert name here).  You also smiled like a lunatic and vastly annoyed everyone in you immediate vacinity . This caused ________________  (insert name(s) here) to mock you.

You spent Day 4: in a pathetic downward spiral... now unable to work because of depression laced with horny-ness and had to avoid anything that sounded remotely like Jill Scott, Frank Sinatra, Macy Gray, Dave Matthews, Portis Head, Norah Jones, Within Temptation or Dana Krall which is fucktastically inconvenient since this comprises most of your musical collection.  You also gave yourself a headache from smacking your head against the steering wheel of your car in utter dismay at yourself and your actions.  This caused two little blue haired refuges from the old folks home, and one incredibly hot unknown to look at you like you were crazy.

You spent Day 5: clawing your way out of yesterday's downward spiral by listening to Punk Rock and Fuck You music which surprisingly included Within Temptation.  You gave yourself a headache from the multitudinous of overtly stereotypical neck snaps complete with eye rolling while you envisioned yourself telling _________________ (insert name here) why he/she (please circle one) is a total____________, _____________, ____________ (please use other side for more space) son/ daughter/ both  of a motherless goat.  This also caused ___________________ to mock you.

On Day 6:  you successfully achieved normality and swore never to do it again. 

And you're going to do it again aren't you?
Bless your sad simple horny heart.

Here are the rules.

#1           Do take it with a grain of salt
#2           Do remember your worth and your power
#3           Do enjoy yourself safely as always
#4           Do demand what you want
#5           Do let go
#6           And what ever you do Don’t fall… it's not love, it's not like, it's chemical.  That does not mean it 
               doesn't feel great.  It means it's like indigestion... the feeling will pass on through soon enough

Break rule #6 only in case of extreme emergency
And this isn’t an emergency.


Love you more than anyone else can,

Ms Common Sense
General Manager of the More Sensible Voices in Your Head.
Overlooked Co-Chair of the Pussy Power Brigade

missrenie: (Default)

Me:      I wanna chat with -----   but I don't know if I should
            I think I will just stay hidden from him


Kris:    is he on?


Me:      yep


Kris :   do you think that maybe he might think you're avoiding him?


Me:      snap monkey I wouldn't want that
            im ignoring Jim not him
            I'm just afraid of being like hi hi hi hi and he really not interested and all that fire cracking was on my   
            side and not his


Kris:    then you type "sup"


Me:      lol
            okay I can do that
            it can't be only  on my side he was so intense
            im over thinking
            besides its just fun right
            just fun
            fuck it I have to just say that over and over again


Kris:    why are you being like me 2 years ago?


Me:      karma, karma being the little bitch whore she is
            anyway  should I put a smiley face behind the sup?
            or should I not
            or should I say hey you since sup is so leet speak
            or should I say sup you?

            wtf is wrong with me
            was it that good that I am stupid
            did you hear that
            I just slapped myself
           maybe that gave me a bit more sense


            you're pissing me off and I'm going to have to fucking slap you tomorrow


Me:      i typed in hiyah
            its my compromise


Kris:    ok


Me:      this is crazy
            god damnt you know what I am getting a vibrator and calling it a fuckin day
            I swear
            I am not allowed to date
            this is turning me stupid
            fuck men
            fuck women too
            I’m going to be a nun from now on


Kris:    yeah ok
            that won't last


Me:     hey can we trade the honesty for a little support here!
           Seriously next time I go out with anyone im wearing my cast iron drawers…well unless its Mr Studd


Kris:    yeah he's cute
            freaky but cute
            and that's how Christian Bale was in American Psycho


Me:      cute and freaky?


Kris:    and scary with a fucking saw


Me:      well thanks for ruining Mr Studd FOUREV’ERRRR
             this is that honesty thing again isn't it?
             I see what you did there


Kris:    safety before pleasure




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