missrenie: (Default)
Disclaimers: the following post contains multiple, continuous and flagrantly shameless use of the words: fuck, bitch, and FAT If any of these words offend you or if you're one of my former English teachers please navigate away from this page now

Dear Ungrateful Fat Bitches,

nobody put's baby in a corner

I expected hate from the "mainstream" but from you. You're breaking my god damn heart. I knew when I started doing burlesque that I would have an uphill battle to fight but I can't believe you are trying to drag my ass down too. Oh you are flag waving for equality, bitching about how people treat you differently, crying about all that bullshit you went though in grade school but when it comes down to it sometimes you are just as much part of the problem.

Lets start with the thing that pisses me off the most. More than the fuck-me-never frumpy grey clothes you wear, the constant newest fad diets you go on, or the enabling support groups where you get together and cry. Lets start with this: The whole. utter and complete dismissal of yourself as a sexually potent human being...

I keep getting these response from other big women:
#1 We are about celebrating our curves not sexualizing them
#2What you are doing is perpetuating a harmful fetishism
#3 We deserve to be loved not put on embarrassing display

Ummmm... you lost me sweetness what better celebration of your curves, then covering it with glitter and dancing the night away.

The idea that my particular thunda thighs are floating her boat or rockin his cock doesn't break my flow sugah. It's not like I have to stand there and watch them do it to it. I'll pose for a picture for private use...and if they want panties that costs extra (you freaks know how to reach me ;) ) . Besides like someone pointed out to me the other day skinny women don't get pissed off that people find them attractive just because they are skinny. Or do ya'll?

I really wished you believed that... because if you did then you would not fall for prey to being what Kathryn calls the "grateful fat chick". I am not a grateful fat chick but I used to be. I was that fat girl that would be oh so happpy that someone was checking her out, asking her out, or calling her pretty. I was that fat girl that was content to let him touch her in private even if he didn't hold her hand in public. I was that fat girl that was starving for his compliments and hungrily eating all the bullshit he spit out. I am no longer a grateful fat chick... now I'm a phat bitch

I'm out there shaking my wide ass and jiggling my tits not just to appease my behemoth sized ego but to liberate you, reeducate the masses and fuck with the heads of fat-o-phobs. I'm fighting to be free in mind and expression. Yeah I'm taking my clothes off but if you look past that you'll see that I have the ovaries and intestinal fortitude to live my dream at my present size in my present body unapologetically and that is something that extends beyond the stage.

That's the real reason you fat bitches hate on me. I am shoving in your face what you want to run from most,what you cover up with girdles and cinch in with control top panties. Because you have not let go of your shame, and self loathing. Because someone beat you down so hard you are trying to beat me down too.

But I don't want to beat you down,
I don't want to embarrass you.
I want you to really see, to really accept how fabulous you are, how deserving you are how damn pretty you are.

And don't give me that it's so easy for you bullshit either. I went though it too, from sneak eating to starving, from depression so deep that I could not step outside... I'd binge and purge on self hate with side orders of hot steamy shame. I may not always be fat.. you may one day be skinny but we are ALWAYS human beings. And as human beings we have basics needs that are physical, spiritual, emotional, mental, sexual.

Because I believe fat bitches need love too
Because I believe that this phat bitch needs love too I refuse to let your fear, past rejections and negative reflections suppress my sexuality, my sensuality, my personality .

Nobody puts baby in the corner!!
Besides there is too much of me to even fuck around at pretending at being invisible.
All 5'6 279 pounds of me demands to be respected to be loved, to be touched, to be sexualized and fetish-ized and glamorized and seen for the powerful beautiful woman that I am.

so do me a favor
cut a bitch a break
and stop weighing me down with all your misplaced hate.

oh and Dr Phil... BITE ME!!

fab photo of Rubenesque Burlesque by JOHNNY CRASH
missrenie: (Default)

To all those men who told me the following thinking that it was a complement

-for a fat chick you are pretty/sexy/hot

-you're not like the other fat chicks I know

-I’ve never been into big women but I could get into you

FUCK U you goddamn moron. Do you honestly think my self esteem is so low as to need you to tell me shit I already fucking know?  Did you think that by telling me that I’m not like the “other fat chicks” you have some passing acquaintance with that I would feel all warm and fucking fuzzy and slide the pole?  Do you feel the same way about black people too?  I’m totally ordering an expensive dessert on your dime tonight you silly jackass.


-Macys/ JCPennys/Sears for not only putting “Women” sizes in the basement near the draperies but also for carrying clothes so matronly that not even Margaret Thatcher would wear them

-Women’s magazines who have the “Latest Diet Secrets” right next to a recipe for “The World’s Best Chocolate Cake”.  Seriously…. wtf mate

-People at the gym that cut their eyes at me with either disdain or pity.  I need neither you condescending sons of bitches.

And finally to all the thick sisters, big girls, phat chicks, bbws, rubenesque rubies who walk around with their head bowed, feeling sorry for themselves, hidden under layers of grays and blacks and dresses that are shaped like feed sacks, waiting until they lose 10, 20, 50, 100lbs before they even attempt to remove themselves from their living dead state of mind.

A very, very empathic FUCK YOU!!

Because you’re not helping the situation either. 

So what if the media pressures you, your peers teased you, your mother called you fat growing up and you manifested it later in life.  Whether you are a size 10 and think you are fat or a size 30 and actually are. Own that shit!!

You sweetness are pretty and sexy and hot .  You can get the man/men or woman/women you want and you can trust me on that one ;)

Demand better, rise up, wear colors, take pictures, accentuate your bursting bosom, celebrate your round round ass, caress your thunder thighs as much as possible and encourage your lover or yourself to give you the tummy rub you so desperately need.   

Cause nobody is going to want you it you don’t want yourself

Cause nobody is going to see you if you don’t show yourself

I’m 5’6

I’m 287 lbs

I refuse to be invisible, stuffed into a box, labeled and listed among societies rejects, forced to I drop 137 more pounds before I can feel pretty and sexy and hot and fucking worthy of the life I want.

And you shouldn’t either.

missrenie: (Default)

Those tricky rat bastards.
they can all kiss my ass
and they better hop to it cause there's a lot of ground to cover

Maybe I should explain myself

I'm at the gas station right down the street.  I need to get some gas so that I can make it to work tomorrow.  I don't want to fill up all the way.  Just enough to get me by so that I have enough money left on my card in case of emergency.  You know the ole calculated "If I get this much I will be running on fumes by next paycheck but that's okay.   I can get a full tank of unleaded once that check hits at 12am Friday morning...as long as I don't have to go up any hills I'm cool" fill up.

So I'm doing the do.  Pumping my gas and thangs when I hear a voice.  I look up and I see a bright shinny new tv screen over the pump.  There's some mindless fashion thing on there about the horrors of acne.  That is easily ignored.  I don't give a cow's second left tit if Jennifer Love Hewitt got teased because of acne in the 5th grade.  The bitch is rich now.  But on the left of that is a panel that shows things like "This day in history" or "Today's Thought".  Things you can read.  I love reading.  I'm so into it that I can barely hear the sad commercial about autism (which is probably caused by ethanol and the like)  and worse I barely hear the "Click" of the gas hose. 

I look down to see I have spent 40 dollars... 40 flippin dollars!!!
You're probably saying something like "Well Irene you didn't have to look at the television."
Yeah well screw you too buddy.

Gas prices are way to fucking high so what do they do?  Put a flippin zombie box at the fill up station instead of ending the war or funding research on alternative fuels.  It's like someone bitch slapping you and then saying it's alright… no really it's alright.

Is this what our society is coming to?  Something is wrong and they anesthetize us or try to anyway.  Thing is nobody really fusses about it because no body notices.  Jacked up shit is happening all over this once grand country of ours  and it stinks but somebody is spraying  jasmine scented potpourri and saying society is not decomposing its growing… see jasmine… jasmine.

Fuck you tricky rat bastards, something's very rotten in the state of Denmark god dammit and odor ease isn't going to cut it. (No offense to anyone who lives in Denmark)

It's not okay… covering up the funk is not going to make it disappear or make my 20 dollars come back.  Oh well I was most likely going to use that money to get cookies that the "noob" never brought me.  I'm pissed about that shit too.

Anyways, I may sound completely crazy from up here on my high horse but take a minute to look around you and see just how your government, your school, your family, hell even your damn dog is trying to anesthetize, sedate, deaden of otherwise stupid-tize you

missrenie: (Default)

Disclaimer:  Before I go any further I want to make it perfectly clear that I do not have anything against cops but I do have something against   jack asses and son's of motherless goats.



Monday night while I was in class, Terick went to the late night Hawaiian Barbeque joint to get dinner. On the way home he was pulled over by two cops because his turn signal was whitish instead of yellowish. 

The cop asks him
"So have you ever been to jail?"
He should have responded
-Yes officer.  As a matter of fact it is a vital part of the black man's coming of age ceremony.
In reality he quite intelligently answered

Later that night after he tells me this
Me: What's his * badge  *number I demand his * badge number
Terick:  just as calm as ever  Christine said the same thing
Me: * Rat bastards burn in  * hell.
Terick: Christine didn't quite say that
Me: What's his * badge number
Terick: Are you gonna go down there and
Me:  Damn skippy and hells coming with me… and by the way hell's name is Christine.


WTF Have you ever been to jail?!
How the hell are you going to ask someone that
Sure it was dark
Sure he is a black man in a wooly fleece hoodie
Sure he's driving a benz but WTF

Wtf wtf wtf wtf
I can't even think in words
I'm going to have to resort to emoticons soon.


 He still refusing to give me that * badge number


* Multiple expletives and/or  f-bombs shooting about  like snowflakes in a Wisconsin winter storm

missrenie: (Default)

Okay I've gotten out of the loop for a while as far as what was happening in our government because quite frankly it pisses me the hell off and I already have high blood pressure.
here we go

Earlier this month Bush signed a new Terror Interrogation Legislation
The Military Commissions Act Of 2006

I have decided to do something a little diffrent with this one... There is a great vid that one of my friends posted that says it all for those of you that aren't in the mood for a good read.*** yes it is an opinion*** But I think it carries across seriousness of this.
Below that are snipets from various article and a link to the Act itself. Hopefully the Supreme Court finds this whole nasty business unconstitutional

And for your reading and surfing pleasure:
The Military Commissions Act Of 2006
you can read the whole thing here if you are into that sort of thing

" it specifically bars detainees from filing habeas corpus petitions challenging their detentions in federal courts. Bush said the process is "fair, lawful and necessary."

for those of you who didn't pay attention in Latin class or watch enough NYPD Blue, Reno 911 or whatever
habeas corpus
Lat. "you have the body"
Prisoners often seek release by filing a petition for a writ of habeas corpus. A writ of habeas corpus is a judicial mandate to a prison official ordering that an inmate be brought to the court so it can be determined whether or not that person is imprisoned lawfully and whether or not he should be released from custody.

not bad enough for you read the complete list

* Strip the US courts of jurisdiction to hear or consider habeas corpus appeals challenging the lawfulness or conditions of detention of anyone held in US custody as an "enemy combatant". Judicial review of cases would be severely limited. The law would apply retroactively, and thus could result in more than 200 pending appeals filed on behalf of Guantánamo detainees being thrown out of court.
* Prohibit any person from invoking the Geneva Conventions or their protocols as a source of rights in any action in any US court.
* Permit the executive to convene military commissions to try "alien unlawful enemy combatants", as determined by the executive under a dangerously broad definition, in trials that would provide foreign nationals so labeled with a lower standard of justice than US citizens accused of the same crimes. This would violate the prohibition on the discriminatory application of fair trial rights.
* Permit civilians captured far from any battlefield to be tried by military commission rather than civilian courts, contradicting international standards and case law.
* Establish military commissions whose impartiality, independence and competence would be in doubt, due to the overarching role that the executive, primarily the Secretary of Defense, would play in their procedures and in the appointments of military judges and military officers to sit on the commissions.
* Permit, in violation of international law, the use of evidence extracted under cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment, or as a result of "outrages upon personal dignity, particularly humiliating or degrading treatment", as defined under international law.
* Permit the use of classified evidence against a defendant, without the defendant necessarily being able effectively to challenge the "sources, methods or activities" by which the government acquired the evidence. This is of particular concern in light of the high level of secrecy and resort to national security arguments employed by the administration in the "war on terror", which have been widely criticized, including by the UN Committee against Torture and the Human Rights Committee. Amnesty International is concerned that the administration appears on occasion to have resorted to classification to prevent independent scrutiny of human rights violations.
* Give the military commissions the power to hand down death sentences, in contravention of international standards which only permit capital punishment after trials affording "all possible safeguards to ensure a fair trial". The clemency authority would be the President. President Bush has led a pattern of official public commentary on the presumed guilt of the detainees, and has overseen a system that has systematically denied the rights of detainees.
* Limit the right of charged detainees to be represented by counsel of their choosing.
* Fail to provide any guarantee that trials will be conducted within a reasonable time.
* Permit the executive to determine who is an "enemy combatant" under any "competent tribunal" established by the executive, and endorse the Combatant Status Review Tribunal (CSRT), the wholly inadequate administrative procedure that has been employed in Guantánamo to review individual detentions.
* Narrow the scope of the War Crimes Act by not expressly criminalizing acts that constitute "outrages upon personal dignity, particularly humiliating and degrading treatment" banned under Article 3 common to the four Geneva Conventions. Amnesty International believes that the USA has routinely failed to respect the human dignity of detainees in the "war on terror".
* Prohibit the US courts from using "foreign or international law" to inform their decisions in relation to the War Crimes Act. The President has the authority to "interpret the meaning and application of the Geneva Conventions". Under President Bush, the USA has shown a selective disregard for the Geneva Conventions and the absolute prohibition of torture or other ill-treatment.
* Endorse the administration's "war paradigm" – under which the USA has selectively applied the laws of war and rejected international human rights law. The legislation would backdate the "war on terror" to before the 11 September 2001 in order to be able to try individuals in front of military commissions for "war crimes" committed before that date.

Link to Source of above article

This Bill also broadens the definition of "unlawful enemy combatant to include anyone who has "has purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States." This sounds all good fine and dandy until your ass gets picked up right. You don't have to make bomb threats baby... you can just speak out, have a peaceful demonstration, post a blog...
so in essence
I say
rat bastard mother fuckers
with two very enthusiastic middle fingers up
missrenie: (Default)

 /ˈkɒnsɪˌkwɛns, -kwəns/consequence
1. the effect, result, or outcome of something occurring earlier: The accident was the consequence of reckless driving.
2. an act or instance of following something as an effect, result, or outcome.
3. the conclusion reached by a line of reasoning; inference.
4. importance or significance: a matter of no consequence.
5. importance in rank or position; distinction: a man of great consequence in art.

When ever someone asked me for their advice on many situations I always replied that in the end the only thing they had to think about is wether or not they could live the the consequence of doing or not doing the act or acts in question.

    But there is still fear.  Still reservation.  Still anger.  Still pain.  Still a longing for stillness.

    Am I on the edge of my own destruction.
                                        my own remaking
                                        my own rebirth
  And now as I lean over the edge and prepare to look down I wonder what I will see
 either the wonders of the universe within or the abyss                                                                                                         

    Maybe I shouldn't look
    Maybe I shouldn't leap
    Maybe I shouldn't have eaten that entire taco salad with sourcream dressing at 11:45 last night

    Now I have cramps aaaaaaaaaaaaand gas
    mfing consequenses

missrenie: (Default)


Sometimes I fee like I am bad person because I don't feel bad about my feelings
sometimes I feel bad because I think I should feel bad
but I don't
then I get over it.

I want things....
Things that sometimes "good" people aren't supposed to want

I want bad things
or what "good" people tell me are "bad"

I want to sit infront of the woman on the bus that has a cell phone and just stare at her as she chatters away
and when she tried to ignore me I want to lean in real close or sit next to her
and when she says
"Excuse me?!"
Or "What the hell?!"
I want to say
"Oh please don't mind me I just find your personal life so fascinating... to hear you talk about your best friends husband cheating on her with another man in that high screeching voice of yours is sooooo hot I want details"

I want to infiltrate an evangelical church and turn their children into liberals

I want to make women orgasm... really orgasm. I don't think enough of us have.

I want to spank white male CEO's of Fortune 500 companies with a black leather paddle that has eight holes in it while I'm wearing a tight pleather dress accented with 5 and ½ inch fuck-me thigh high boots.

I want to tie up a Neo -Nazi while I turn his woman into a lezzie, Nubian lover before his eyes.

I want to break into a Southern Baptist church and take the pulpit and demand to know why they are still listening to religion that was used to enslave them

I want to shake every Bible toting woman for quoting a book that calls them the property of their husbands, the source of temptations, the seat of evil, the whore, the Jezebel, the Delilah, the Eve of destruction.

I want to burn every Popeyes, KFCs, McDonalds, and Burger King in the ghetto.... to the mother fucking ground.

I want to punish every parent who lets their daughters under the age of 18 wear things that say princess, hot lips, bratz, or that playboy bunny symbol in glittter or non glitter text on there pants, shirts and underwear.

And speaking of underwear... I want to find the pervert who thought children's thongs we a good idea and castrate his sick ass.

I want to sneak into the houses of females of color age 6 to 16 and take every seventeen and cosmopolitan magazine, every blonde Barbie doll, every Olsen twin tape and dump it in to the abyss. And replace it with books of their culture's beauty, with images of their princesses and queens.
And with the same breath I want to liberate our white sisters from a mass media that leaves them with the sour taste self hate and bile from buliema to anorexia.

I want to make the fathers of boys who tell them "be a man.. Men don't cry... suck it up" grovel at my feet, with their saltwater tears cleaning their blood off my boots.
I want to whisper sweetly
"Don't cry... men don't cry"
before I kick them again

I want to give every abusive spouse
a sex change
and an abusive spouse
unless you're a same sex couple
then the sex change is unnecessary
ill just let you take a long walk in the other persons shoes

I want to take fat people and skinny people and make them switch
so skinny people can see how much it hurts to be fat
and fat people can see how they are letting their bodies trap and kill them

I want to take the middle class and place them in the ghetto for a little while... yeah laugh at that shit

and in the same breath

I want to take all those ghetto acting people
And I want to tell them this
"all that stuff that you think is "black" isn't,
all that shit blasting on the radio is nothing but a big fake ass add.
you betta stop walking around with name brands on your back and coochie,
A brand.
You know they had to hold us down to brand us
but now you paying them to do it
You think its all good cause you saw it on
BET is run by Republicans baby.
You think I can't keep it real
I'm not black enough for you because the media brainwashed you into believing that black women:
wear koolaid color weaves
have the bottom half of their ass out
can't pronounce door, four, corner and ask
go on welfare to feed their five of seven children
My man isn't black enough for you because the media brainwashed you into beliving that black men:
can't speak English,
are violent, animals, pushers
mouths brimming with bling
abandoners of babies and brides

You think you hard cause you a gansta
little boys and girls all the bling and blonde has gone and fucked up your head
cause your real soft baby
so soft it make me sick
soft and stupid
keep it real.
Learn your history and then talk to me about keeping it real
Sankofa you Son of a Bitch
you didn't start a slave
and I'm not gonna end one
another thing suga
pull up your goddamn pants cause seeing your crack doesn't make me wanna lick it...

I feel like I am bad person because I don't feel bad about my feelings
sometimes I feel bad because I think I should feel bad
but I don't
then I get over it.

because im too busy planing
on doing

bad things.

missrenie: (Default)
Dear Bad Luck Bulletin Posters,

WTF!!! What is this the frickin Ring? I trust you I open your bulletin sooooooo what do I see
Youll get
-997 days of bad luck
-stay single until you are 45
-have horrible sex for the rest of your life
-lose your job, mate, pet, health insurance

if you dont send this post to 5, 10 , 15, 50 people

And sometimes.. sometimes I get the ones that start all sweet and nice .. that talk about love and peace and hairgrease
And then I get to the part that really twists my nipples!!!!
If you dont send this to 25 people youll die a miserable person .. and dont forget Jesus loves you :) lol

Screw you!!!!

Look I am a grown ass woman. I will not forward your little chain letters to :
5 people for something nice to happen
10 people for something great to happen
15 for mind blowing sex
hell if that were true you would have all deleted me from your account due to spam cause I am all about the mind blowing sex!

So please please
Stop it!!

With all my love

Send this to five people
Or you suck
Jesus loves you
missrenie: (Default)

One of my wonderful friends wrote this in their blog:

Stupid shit

Got bored and took one of those silly ass online quizzes.

Dating Strengths
1. Sense of Humor - 71.4
2. Financial Situation - 69.2
3. Adventurousness - 58.3
4. Intelligence - 57.1
5. Confidence - 55.6

Dating Weaknesses
1. Selfishness - 63.6
2. Appearance - 55.6
3. Shyness - 50
4. Lack of Essentials - 50

Omg! Too fuckin' hilarious. I'm SELFISH, slobby, shy, and po'!!! That's so me! Here is the explanation for how I'm supposedly selfish:

"Selfishness - You think too much of yourself and your needs. You must learn to put your partner first and tend to his needs."

HELL NO! FUCK his needs. This quiz must've been written by Dr. Laura (whatever the hell her last name is). Hahaha!

My Comment to this was a follows

You do know that it is women like you who are ruining the relationships of America...

1. Don't you know that his needs come first as the provider the hunter.. it is written into his genetic coding to be a barbaric cave man and we as women should accept this by

- letting them club us over the head and have their way with us

-spend 1 hour shopping and at least two hours cooking at every day in order to have a nice hot meal prepared for him, as well as a six pack of his favorite alcholic beverage when needed not to mention his slippers ready when he comes home

-dont bother him with your problems when he gets home from work... your are no where near as important as he is. Remember you are just a female an Eve to his Adam... an extension of himself... a bit of spare bone from under his rib and nothing more... without male female would not exist so take solace in knowing that you are pleasing HIM

2. Part of pleasing your male is your appearance... a woman is not allowed to be "slobby" or "sloppy" we are the trophies of our men... we are their objects. So keep yourself nice and shiny

-make your body fit His needs... If youre too large- diet... Atkins has some wonderful menu items Sure your heart will suffer and give out but remember as a women your job and greatest good is to please him. When all else fails vomit... you dont need that lineing in your throat anyway

-Skin Care

if your too dark there are several semi-safe skin bleaches that you could use to lighten the problem areas of your face, arms and legs, torso and upper chest.

if you are too light TAN dont worry about cancer i've heard it is a wonderful aid in supressing your hunger


remember to shave at least three times a week... you might want to take care of the vaginal area too men seem to like the illusion of youth and he'll know you took that extra step to please him... Besides if you shave often enough you wont have to worry about the painful ingrown hairs coming back and dont worry about the painful contact with his body hair during sex remember he is worth it!!!! .... promise to dedicate 15 to 30 extra minutes everyday to making sure your entire body is nice and smooth for him

-Hair care

every man like to run his fingers through his woman's hair and you should be no exception... comb that hair ladies!and if you have coarse hair be sure to get a relaxer as often as possible if your hair is stubborn old fashion lye will do the trick as well watch for chemical burns from both of these fantastic options ... Its not the pain from the scabs you should be worried about but his displeasure if he happens to run across one


dont be afraid to be sexy... where pantyhose every day to give your legs that smooth look

high heels as well to slim your calves and lift the buttock( the leg cramps and shortening of the calf muscles are worth it)

Dont dont dont let any rolls show... help yourself with body shapers... the more confining the better. Sure your bodiace may be tight enough to make you faint, and give your trouble breathing, thinking, digesting, and functioning but he will just take your passing out as a sign that you are so in awe of him

And dont worry about things you can not fix... there is sugery for everything!!!!! If you dont have the money you can always whore yourself out... trust me it is WORTH IT

PS. dont skimp out on the breast no matter how big they are you can always use more

please see a wonderful and educationalshow called The Swan regarding this little hint

3.Dont be shy

Tell him what is on your mind... as long as it is how much you love him and think that he is the best person in the world, Dont be afraid to tell him that he is the center of your universe and that you dont mind sharing him with other women Dont be shy about your desire for his happiness

4. Essentials, essentials, essentials

Redbook, Cosmo are just a few of the GREAT publications choices out there for women... they can fill you in on all the essentials

like how to please your man

how to make your man happy

how to meet your mans needs

how to look pretty for your man

how to please your man in bed

how to give your man what he needs before he know he needs it

how to turn that pesky independence into dependence, shake that sinful selfishness into selflessness and make your breast perky in seven days or less!!!!!

And always remember to be sincere

if you follow these simple steps we will assuredly lure men into a foolish state of self centered importance... they will become slothful and comfortable... defenseless

then in one swift, organized, and calculated movement we shall uprise

we shall have the upper hand on the cajoled fools and make them our slaves!!!!!!

and women shall rule the world.

- Irene


missrenie: (Default)

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