missrenie: (Tree of Knowledge)

It's always sad when a hero dies.

But its heart wrenching when that hero "dies" to you... when you have to change how you see them or sever yourself from them in defense.

I'm angry because it did not have to be this way.

There are alot of things I did wrong partially because I have never had to deal with such an exhausting personality so closely. But even with my lack of experience the only thing I can honestly apologize for it holding you up to those hero standards. You didn't ask to be my hero its something that kinda happened. It was unfair of me to think of you as such.  You have made me stronger and you've shown me how to confront on the battle field of life.  I'm not sure that lesson would have reached me if you did not have the capacity to be such a bully. 

In the near future when I am not so angry, injured or indignant I will tell you that you lack the compassion you expect to receive from others, that you lack the respect you demand from others and that once you attained your future would be limitless for this is the key to your success.  In my dream world you would listen and hear and change and go on to touch the world in the same positive way in which you have changed and touched mine.

I'm not doing this for you, for your acceptance, for your love, for your respect although I know I was at one point.  I would have loved to have these things that I had so readily given over to you.   Now I am in it for the mission, the cause, the right reasons.

So here's to you!!

You're brilliant and talented full of charisma and inspiration.  You were my hero but you killed that by continually being such a flaming bitch.  To be completely melodramatic you're some weird hybrid of Jesus and Judas both...I'm thankful even for that. 

You've shown me that heroes are painfully human.
You've shown me that I can be one too. 
You've shown me that I can and should be my own.


Mar. 8th, 2009 11:04 am
missrenie: (Default)

You were a leaf

Just accept it

I have.

stop trying to hang around my tree

your season has passed

you’re becoming a parasite

I’m going to get the spray.


I feel inconvenienced because I have to say it out loud and embarrass us both…. Well embarrass you.   But if I was woman enough to invite you into my bed I have to be woman enough to kick you out… of the entire fucking bedroom.  See the whole time you thought you had me figured out I was figuring you out as well.


I don’t like what math added up too.




Will I just say it’s me not you. 


It’s totally and beyond a doubt 100% your fault Charlie Brown.


Will I say I’m still sensitive from my break up


You’re an insensitive moron


Will I say I just feel over whelmed right now


You have a talent for making me feel cheap without even trying



I wish I were fierce enough to declare that I will go with option 2 all the way but I have a feeling that I may pull my punches.  I hope I don’t.  

Fuck hope.

I’ve decided.

I consider it my responsibility to inform you for the sake of those that come after me.  Or at least reinforce the validity of those who may have said it before me.

I wonder how many women have bothered to actually tell you that you’re really lacking that you’re really a leaf

that you’re really a parasite


I’m going to get the spray.


missrenie: (Default)

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