missrenie: (Default)
neil:  I just started my savings account at Bank of America

me: 
groovy groovy :)

neil:  so you should give me money

me:  umm.....
         no
 
neil:  go ahead
        anytime

me:  no thank you I'm good

neil:  feel free
         well your not anymore

me:  thanks for your consideration but really its alright

neil:  don't you think I should be the judge of that?>

me:  I am totally GOOD
         judge of what?  my goodness or my money?

neil: 
your goodness and MY money that you are holding on to
         its mine so hand it over
         thief

me:  hey you aren't my pimp so you have zero say over that!!!
         now if you took up the job of pimping me (which isn't easy) they we can talk
 
neil: 
fine I will become your pimp
         but just to let you know
         there will be some changes
         from now on we are going to go for higher volume at a reduced rate
         so get out there and start whorin!

me:  not so fast you have to fill out an application first. and there is a practical exam regarding skills such as swagger, bling and the overall   bitch slap.  I personally don't think your are gonna pass the verbal.

neil:  I think the sheer amount of respect that my pimp slap will envoke will make up for my low scores in other areas
 
 me:  while it is true that the pimp slap does comprise 30 percent of all scoring you still have another 70% to account for
          I suggest you get up to speed byupdating your linguistics via urban dictionary.

neil:  I think you might be over exaggerating. The only words I need to know for this job are bitch, money and blumpkin.
That is our main marketing strat.  we are going to corner the market on blumpkins
 
me:  See this is why you are going to make a horrible pimp.  First your sense of business ethics is all wrong..."higher volume at a reduced rate" unless you are going to get a fleet of whores you will wear them out before you get your money's worth.  
        2nd I don't do blumpkins.  That causes gaging and clients should not get what they did not pay for.  That kind of freakishness is extra. Honestly where are your values?
         3rd language is essential.  There are times when you will need to communicate with the client.  While bitch and money are universal.  There are also ways to detail what happens to the client should he  damage your property.
         I mean duh
 
neil:  Irene
          its this kind of sass that makes the bitch slap necessary
          the fact of the matter is your input is not needed.
          I am the pimp
          you are the ho
          so get to ho'in!
          ...
         please

me:  Fail
        
 
 
 
missrenie: (Default)

Me:: omgeeeee I just got the cutest message from Daddy:

“I'm going through my naughty list. OMG You need more punishment than there could possibly be time for tonight. Consider tonight to be part 1 of a ongoing punishment session. Remember to bring your toys including your blindfold.
Are you worried? Yes, you should be.
~~Daddy"


Pink: LOL


Me:: I am gonna get it tonight for sure...  I replied

“Why Daddy,
i have no idea what You are talking about... i'm the picture of perfection i suggest we review this "list" together in great detail. You are somewhat older than me…maybe You should bring Your glasses with You tonight.
~~~Your totally young lady”


Pink: you know that button that says "don't push"?


Me:: yeah


Pink: you're the type that not only pushes it, you slam your hand on it 15 times yelling "IS THIS THING ON??!!" - meanwhile, 15 nukes have launched and LA is a crater
Whatever beating you're going to get tonight - you deserve after the vision comment

 

missrenie: (Default)

Me::      bad bad Renie

flirting with coworkers

I should be spanked

 

Pink:      don't tell me - tell Mister

 

Me::      haha you're right

that WILL get me a spanking!!!

 

Pink:      see, now aren't you glad I've never met him?

I would tattle...all. the. time.

 

Me:        omgeeeeeee can you?!

 

Pink:      *snort*

missrenie: (Default)

Pink:      Comcast can bite me yet again

 

Me::      Bite you again?

 

Pink:      Yes hater bastards. They sent me a letter dated last Thurs saying they're turning off my cable tomorrow. I called in to pay the past due this morning and ended up yelling at the chick for being a moron.

 

Me::      Well good morning to the both of you :)

 

Pink:       Comcast can bite me.

Their call center sucks my ass.

Want a new service.

Pink:      there my rage in haiku

 

Me::      you should do your rage in haiku more often

 

Pink:      from now on, I'm creating haikus for my rage moments

 

Pink:      lol

 

Me::      lol

 

Me::      okay we synced

 

Pink:      totally

 

Pink:      it's creative at the very least.  What could be a better juxtaposition than super rage and a catchy little poem?

 

Me::      you should make a book named "Rage"

it could have cherry blossoms on the cover and a buddah

 

Me::      giving the finger

 

Pink:      hahaha awesome

 

Me::      PS popped me up…sexy devil and typed the following

“ i wish i was there

i want you like a man possessed”

 

Me::      that’s always nice to hear. I feel like slutty mc slut slut all over again. Too bad or good he is far away. Why does he get my panties wet?  Am I really that much of a push over for tall pale and scrawny.

 

Pink:      I don't like people that say stuff like that. I always ask them "please point on the dolly which part you are possessed over." and they get pissy

 

Me::      lol  I adore it. It makes me feel like Sophia Loren

 

Me::      or a snack wrap

missrenie: (Default)

His reaction upon hearing the details of the upcoming month was typical:

What are you insane?!


~What!? That’s like the fourth time that has been said to me in the past six hours.  I am beginning to think that something has gone off…


Yeah your brain


~You’re over reacting and I find it incredibly charming


I’m not over reacting and don’t use your damn wiles on me… they don’t work remember.  I’m not into your type.


~What you mean women?


No I mean lunatics.  You need to slow down..... and behave yourself.


~Behave myself?


Yeah behave yourself


~I can’t do that…besides well behaved women rarely make history



 

missrenie: (Default)

Me:      He’s divine

Pink:    No he’s not

Me:      You should see what he’s texting me

Me:      my hands will rove most passionately. And my face will bury itself in your bosoms in short order.

Me:      "short order"

Me:      how the freak can I resist that

Pink :   isn't bosom supposed to be singular?

Me:      Damn’t now he is human again

Pink :   sorry

Me:      you would see that grammatical error

Pink :   this is why I don't date


Baggage

Apr. 24th, 2009 09:43 am
missrenie: (Default)

You know it's like the song says.  “It’s gonna be a long way to happy”

 

~That’s because you’re carrying too much fucking baggage.

 

Fuck you.

 

~You don’t have the equipment sweetie but if you want we can take a day trip to the City so you can get some.

 

No fuck you.  You think you have it all together but look at yourself look at your life.

 

~I’m sorry did I hurt your feelings?

 

Yeah.

 

~I didn’t mean to.

 

I know… where are you going?.

 

She was  just sitting there  in her oversized sweater, the computer screen turning her skin this weird shade of bluish white.   She looks small and frail and I love her.  For a long time she has been a sister to me but I decline all invitations to all pity parties, not out of being a bitch, not out of lack of compassion but out of self protection.  Attendance at these functions does one of two things.

~ gives me that thank goddess that is not me feeling that poor sob

~encourages me to throw my own

 

Neither of these are accepted schools of thought for me.  I don’t like watching other people’s train wreck since I’ve started to pull myself from the rubble of my own.  And this particular train wreck has been happening for a long ass time. 

 

~Home… it’s late and I work in the morning.   I love Pink you know I do but fuck that song.  Maybe you shouldn’t be listening to it.   Indie Arie has a song called Hope another one called I Choose.

 

I need to process this you know.

 

~You’ve been processing for 13 years.

 

Fuck you

 

~Day trip

 

It doesn’t make any difference… life is shit, life is always gonna be shit.  You have moments when it’s good and then it all gets fucked.  Every time like clockwork.

 

~If you want to see it that way….

 

You’re not perfect you know.

 

I laugh because I am perfect…  and I am flawed, weird, obsessive, extreme and one strange little girl but I am perfect at being the me I am right now in this moment, today… as I walk away.

 

You’re a megalomaniac.

 

~I know.

 

You really have to leave?

 

~Yep

 

Well goodnight hun.

 

~Goodbye dear.

 

 

It’s been five months since I walked out of that apartment that night.  Away from a woman that was a sister to me. 

 

Turns out she was then and is now is sister to a dead woman. A dead woman who in life had delighted in misery, who always said I can’t, who blamed others for her problems, who used everything from weather to weight as an excuse not live fully.    I know this woman is dead because I offed the pathetic punk ass bitch … I only keep her pictures around as a warning.

 

A warning to never ever be that woman again

 

That wasn’t how it started though.

I wanted to help this person see her own beauty, her own power.  But I wasn’t strong enough to lift myself let alone her.  So I sank down besides her… spent hours with her at the grave of our dreams in happy content mourning.

 

Occasionally I would tell her things like

You can do it

You deserve happy

You should stop giving away your power

You have to cut the toxic people out of your life

 

I tried to pound this message into her repeatedly and one day I got bitch slapped by the universe and realized that the unsolicited unheeded advice I was giving was really meant for me.  That this person I was so close to was a reflection of myself…. I didn’t like what I saw.  So I took my own advice. 

 

 

She’s calling now.

This sister to a dead woman.

She is sending out the usual feelers in all the usual directions

 

And I am at a loss

Wondering if I am strong enough now to take her on.

Wondering if my lesson is to let go.

missrenie: (Default)

 

 

It slipped let me push it back in she says

 

And for a moment I think that she is going to reach down and do it right there in the booth.

 

Ahhh can we wait until we are outside?

 

Why… are you afraid that you are going to cry like a baby inside the restaurant?

 

This is a question I don’t feel the need to reply to since we both know the answer.  Once outside she takes my ear pulls down on the lobe and without pause or panic proceeds to firmly push the metal through the tiny hole until it can’t go anymore.  All I can think is. this is the ear that isn’t sensitive.  All I can say is… scream is  Argggggggggggggggggh!!!!

 

Quit whining you’re fine, you’re fine. 

She starts in on the other ear (the sensitive one) with just as much kindness.  This time I’m able to speak somewhat normally.  At least this hurts less than the biopsy of my cervix.

 

I’m not sure if she heard me.

But what she said next struck me.   You wanted this, you’ll just have to suffer through, we suffer for the things that we want. 

 

And I know she said it light heartedly but it’s true.  The change that I have created in my life has been a painful process but well worth it.  My mind, my body, my limitations, my beliefs have all stretched a bit and it has been uncomfortable but well worth it.

 

There you’re done she says after a few seconds.

I turn around and hug her with a weak thank you and an even frailer but honest I love you.

 

She laughs as she walks to her car.  “See you’re fine…Don’t be such a pussy or I won’t do your tattoos.”

 

 

That’s Dre

She is friend and sister.  She’ll tell me congratulations just as easily as she’ll tell me that I’m screwing up.  She’ll let me cry and bitch and moan for a bit before she asks me what I’m gonna do about it and then check up to make sure that I am doing something about it.

 

She believes in being her sister’s keeper… she is creative and compassionate (when she’s not gauging your ear).  And she has been by my side.  During this last year and these last six months for the best of it and the worst of it.  Telling me that I am fine though all the stretching and the pussying out and encouraging me to move forward, move fearlessly, move beyond.

 

And I love her for it.

 

Thanks Dre
from the bottom of my heart to the holes in my ears... thank you.
 

 

missrenie: (Default)

 neil:  it seems to me that you are dating a guy who can't turn it off

 me:  "turn it off?"

 neil:  when he met you the thing that really turned you on about him was his dominance
and now he is acting that way all the time
he can't leave it at the dungeon
but at the same time
you have not told him he needs to leave it at the dungeon
so he has no idea that he is pissing you off
and tits

me:  lol
you're right
when I see him tonight we will talk about this
that makes sense

neil:  coolio
I now everything about relationships

me:  except how to spell know...you gave me a really good view point.  He is acting dominate that is part of what I fell for and how can I be upset with him for displaying a trait that I found attractive and a part of him.
He's acting like a pitbull because he is one and he doesn't know how I feel because I have not told him
we both have our own viewpoints of what a relationship is
My viewpoint is meeting these people great!  But if you're going to sleep with them I want to meet them too other than that have fun
his view point is totally not that
but I think he is trying
and he is putting forth great effort
I mean the first time I had a date was AWFUL for us both
so he is getting better we just have to communicate
 
 neil:  Well just make sure you don't compromise what you want or who you are for this relationship which (lets be honest) already has a roof over it.
not to say that you shouldn't persue it
but you have already been in one relationship where you have tried to change yourself to what he needs
so that is a learned behavior that you have
that you are tryin to unlearn

me:  yeah it is
I was typing before... about to say that I have a handle on that
but I realize that I don't
I really want to please and sometimes in doing so I am not true to myself
I will be aware of this :)
thanks Neil :)
Tea Time!!!
 
neil:  have fun
wait a minute...
I can't trust that you actually agree with me because maybe your just trying to be change yourself to be what I want you to be!!
which is a girl that always agrees with me
I can never trust anything you say again!

me:  um wow

neil: 
I think I have to break up with you as friends

me:  you know your right I know I'll make a point of disagreeing with you about everything
it is the only way to save our friendship
I'm willing to do this for that!
 
neil:  but what if thats what I want you to do to save this friendship?
theres no right answer
I think we need to suicide
 
me:  your right that is the answer to all of our problems
wait
no
I disagree
I think

neil:  don't tempt me!  I got the gun in my hand!
 

 

Crazy

Mar. 11th, 2009 03:35 pm
missrenie: (Default)
 


crazy

adjective
1. affected with madness or insanity; "a man who had gone mad" [syn: brainsick]
2. foolish; totally unsound; "a crazy scheme"; "half-baked ideas"; "a screwball proposal without a prayer of working"

noun
Slang. an unpredictable, nonconforming person; oddball: a house full of crazies who wear weird clothes and come in at all hours.....

 

 

“I’m not crazy I’m just not your kind of crazy.”   I say as I purposely begin to sort the skittles into little groups.
 

“You’re fucking nut’s little girl you should just accept it” He says purposely putting a green one next to a red one… I can feel my left eye twitch a little.

“I’m on a self imposed holiday. I’m not currently fucking anyone… this is probably why I’ve gained ten pounds”

“Lack of sex doesn’t make you fat trust me I’d be Marlon Brando if that were the case.  Don Juan Brando not Street Car Named Desire Brando"

“True, but it makes me crave chocolate and b.o.b. just isn’t what he used to be.  I think I have finally managed to numb out my clit.  I am abstaining until I am sensitive again”

“Just in time for Lent”

“Bite me.”

“You Catholics are all about pain”

“I’m a full recovered ex-Catholic thank you.  I’m Pagan!”

“Once a Catholic always a Catholic this is probably why you’re fucking nuts.”
 

At this point I blessed with enough clarity to see that I am seriously involved in a semi-circular, completely futile argument regarding my sanity with someone I consider to be utterly unsound… this is something only an insane person would do. 
 

 

We debate the topic happily for over half an hour.

The list

Oct. 10th, 2008 11:20 am
missrenie: (Default)

You should write a list. 

 

I inform him without looking at him that I have no intention of writing down every bad thing that happened in my relationship.

 

I went back to typing.  A few moments had passed before I realized that he had not replied to my remark, nor had he moved.  He just stood there looking at me.  I turned my chair to face him and I looked up him with what I imagined to be defiance. 

He stared back at me with all the annoying impassivism of a vulcan but when he spoke it was low, thoughtful and without condescension.

 

You should write a list.

-I don’t want to

I understand it hurts. But when you see him again.  And you are going to see him again.  You may do something…

-Stupid?

Less intelligent than your norm

-Stupid… like forget everything that happened between us and go to bed with him, get involved again.

Less intelligent than your norm…  You’re a wonderful woman and any man would be a fool to mess up with you.  He doesn’t deserve you. 

-That’s a nice thing to say.  But I’ve done things wrong too you know.  You only know my side of it... I’m not as wonderful and deserving as you think I am.

I’ve been where you are right now. Write the list. 

 

The whole time he had never raised his voice.  And while I could barely look at him he had never taken his eyes off of me.  I felt naked, I felt weak, I felt guilty, I felt undeserving, I felt embarrassed.  I felt like an idiot.
Partially because I was defending, holding on to, believing in a relationship that almost left me ruined.
Partially because it was unrealistically dramatic,  unsettlingly romantic and uncomfortably exposing  to be talking to him like this.
When I was able to face him directly the impassive mask was gone.  And in its place was a look of genuine concern and I knew what it was like to be completely disarmed and alarmed at the same time.

He wasn’t being nice
He wasn't being sweet
He wasn't trying to collect on a rebound

He was being honest

 

I wrote the list
It took over two weeks
It was an ugly ordeal
In the end I had to rip out half my heart  in order to drag myself from this river of denial I had been drowning in. 

I’m not used to the air yet and while it’s still hard to breathe sometimes…

                                                                      its no where near as hard as it used to be.


 


missrenie: (Default)

Chat Dude:     Stats

Me:                  ?

Chat Dude:     M/W/S/36/6’4/170, 10

Me:                  ?

Chat Dude:     male,white,single, 36 years old, six feet and inches, 170 lbs,

10 inches of pleasure for you.

Me:                  Don’t mess with me.  You’ll end up blogged.

Chat Dude:     blogged?

Me:                  Yeah blogged big time

Chat Dude:     Do you always threaten men like that?

Me:                  Yeah I threaten women that way too.

Chat Dude:     so what do you blog sexy?

Me:                  things that tickle or traumatize me

Chat Dude:     Can I tickle you?

Me:                  no, but that question is creepy and kind of traumatizing

Chat Dude:     You’re funny

Me:                  I’ve been told

Chat Dude:     i bet you have

Me:                  You’re sarcastic

Chat Dude:     i’ve been told

Me:                 I bet you have

Chat Dude:     what’s your stats

Me:                  this again?

Chat Dude:     what’s the matter r u shy.

Me:                  F/B/S/27/5’6/150/DD

Chat Dude:     Wow really J

Me:                  No, not really I lied about my weight

Chat Dude:     Are you a little chubby?

Me:                  No, I’m fat.

Chat Dude:     I like fat girls

Me:                  has that ever worked for you?

Chat Dude:     Is it working now?

Me:                  No

Chat Dude:     You’re the exception

Me:                  I’m glad

Chat Dude:     So when can I fuck you?

Me:                  When you speak to me with more than one sentence

Chat Dude:     So when can I fuck you?  Please?

Me:                  You’re kindah of charmingly single minded you know that?

Chat Dude:     Is it working?

Me:                  No

Chat Dude:     but I spoke 2 u in more than one sentence.  

Me:                  wow I guess that makes me a liar

Chat Dude:     you seemed like a good girl

Me:                  you don’t know me so you don’t know what I seem like

Chat Dude:     so are u  a bad girl… what bad things are you doing to yourself right now

Me:                  talking to you

Chat Dude:     really I’m hard for you now

Me:                  I’m at work

Chat Dude:     kinky, so am I

Me:                  okay g2g

Chat Dude:     you gonna leave me like this

Me:                  yep, good luck.

(switch to invisible… 5 mins later)

Chat Dude:     I know ur there. U were mean to me but you can make it up.

Me:                  I’m blocking you now.

Chat Dude:     you have a lot of making up to do

Me:                  lol

Chat Dude:     look don’t block me.  Let me send you a pic

Me:                  as long as it’s not of your penis

Chat Dude:     let me send you another pic

Me:                  you’re cute… I’m still going to blog you

Chat Dude:     did I tickle you J

Me:                  maybe

Chat Dude:     you know the size of my dick will traumatize you

Me:                  what are we 16?

Chat Dude:     I wanna get to know you

Me:                  get in line I wanna get to know me too

Chat Dude:     send me a pic

Me:                  no

Chat Dude:     but I sent you mine

Me:                  I didn’t ask for it

Chat Dude:     come on.  please.  see more that one sentence.

Chat dude:      wow you are fat but your beautiful

Me:                  jesus why am I still chatting with you

Chat dude:      using your word. you have a nice smile too.

Me:                  please don’t stoke off to that

Chat dude:      no promises… you are really cute. funny too

Me:                  I’ve been told

Chat dude:      I’m telling you again. I’d like to chat with you more.

Please?

Me:                  I’m not fucking you.

Chat dude:      You don’t know that yet.

Me:                  I’m serious…i'm wearing iron underwear and  I’m like a mountain. 

I shall not be moved

Chat dude:      Then I’ll be like the wind. 

Me:                  You’ve switched tactics.

Chat dude:      You’ve noticed.

Me:                  Don’t attempt to woo me with adult conversation

Chat dude:      Why is it your kryptonite.

Me:                  bah!

Chat dude:      Add me to friends please

Me:                  No

Chat dude:      Please?

Me:                  Fine

Chat dude:      I’ll stop bothering you now so you can get back to work. 

I hope to talk with you later

Me:                  I’m grumbling and rolling my eyes.

Chat dude:      that’s a good sign… have a nice day my fat goddess

Me:                   mother of christ your full of it

 

And so he disappears into the ether... 


missrenie: (Default)

Me:      I wanna chat with -----   but I don't know if I should
            I think I will just stay hidden from him

 

Kris:    is he on?

 

Me:      yep

 

Kris :   do you think that maybe he might think you're avoiding him?

 

Me:      snap monkey I wouldn't want that
            im ignoring Jim not him
            I'm just afraid of being like hi hi hi hi and he really not interested and all that fire cracking was on my   
            side and not his

 

Kris:    then you type "sup"

 

Me:      lol
            okay I can do that
            it can't be only  on my side he was so intense
            gah
            im over thinking
            besides its just fun right
            just fun
            fuck it I have to just say that over and over again

 

Kris:    why are you being like me 2 years ago?

 

Me:      karma, karma being the little bitch whore she is
            anyway  should I put a smiley face behind the sup?
            or should I not
            or should I say hey you since sup is so leet speak
            or should I say sup you?

            wtf is wrong with me
            was it that good that I am stupid
            fuck
            okay
            did you hear that
            I just slapped myself
           maybe that gave me a bit more sense

 

Kris:    SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT
            you're pissing me off and I'm going to have to fucking slap you tomorrow

 

Me:      i typed in hiyah
            its my compromise

 

Kris:    ok

 

Me:      this is crazy
            god damnt you know what I am getting a vibrator and calling it a fuckin day
            I swear
            I am not allowed to date
            this is turning me stupid
            fuck men
            fuck women too
            I’m going to be a nun from now on

 

Kris:    yeah ok
            that won't last

 

Me:     hey can we trade the honesty for a little support here!
           Seriously next time I go out with anyone im wearing my cast iron drawers…well unless its Mr Studd

 

Kris:    yeah he's cute
            freaky but cute
            and that's how Christian Bale was in American Psycho

 

Me:      cute and freaky?

 

Kris:    and scary with a fucking saw

 

Me:      well thanks for ruining Mr Studd FOUREV’ERRRR
             this is that honesty thing again isn't it?
             I see what you did there

 

Kris:    safety before pleasure

 

 

missrenie: (Default)

Weird stuff has been happening to me.  And I am going to start documenting it.   Like today at 2:50…

Phone rings

Me::     good afternoon --------- how may I help you

Dude:  Hi… how are you?

Me::     I'm wonderful… how are you and how may I help you?

Dude:  you can help me by telling me how come you're so wonderful

Me::     I'm alive!

Dude: What?

Me::     I'm alive?

Dude:  I wish I were smoking what you are smoking

Me::     Excuse me sir? (The only reason I don't hang up is because I am not sure if he is one of our eccentric vendors or partners.)

Dude: I just wish I were wonderful too. (wondering what  he's smoking)

Me::     well maybe I can help.  What is your reason for calling ------- today?

Dude: we heard you were moving and we would like to see if --- ------ could assist you with that

Me::     I'm sorry we already moved last month

Dude:  well isn't that a bummer…. Hey are you a Latina?

Me::     No, I'm not 

Dude:  What are you?(its been a boring day I can use a distraction)  

Me::     I'm a Virgo

Dude:  No kidding I'm a Pisces we're compatible.  Are you single? (wow he's light on his feet)

Me::     …

Dude:  I'm from the bay area.  You don't sound like you're from here.  Are you sure you’re not a Latina?

Me::     (wondering how far the rabbit hole goes)I'm from the south maybe that's what you are hearing

Dude:  south… hey what part?

Me::     New Orleans

Dude:   Laissez Les Bon Temps Roulez… yeah baby… hey I'm sorry about that whole Katrina thing.  I asked God why we have to have natural disasters you know?  Why can't the world be fun land.  Like the continents all theme parks.  I asked god that.  I was like hey god why can’t life one big fun ride.  Free love, bright lights, good food, free love…(at this point something shiny catches my attention outside in the parking lot and I am only paying enough attention to catch his not so subtle hints at sex in a liberated society.  I was up to five before the old school sweet ass Pontiac Tempest pulled away. It was the second time I had seen a car like that today... I sighed.  It was a beautiful car.  It was hot.  I missed it already.  I sighed and he thought it was for him.)  You know what I'm talking about.. don't you?

Me::     No

Dude:  Sure you do.  A sexy sounding Latina like yourself. (pretty sure he is smoking)

Me::     ummm I'm sorry sir but I have to get back to work

Dude:  Yeah like your really working… your probably looking at hot guys on the internet

Me::     No I'm not

Dude:  Oh yes you are.  I bet you have it all minimized on your screen.

Me::     I'm not!!! (feeling weird for defending myself to this weirdo)

Dude:  It's okay.  You should just admit it

Me::     I admit nothing

Dude:  Well I admit that I would like to get your number.  Can I get your number?

Me::     No

Dude:  Oh well worth a shot.  You do have a sexy voice.  You shouldn't use it at work.  It's a turn on.  It's like waving a red flag.

Me::     (Pouring on sexy voice) Can you do me a favor?

Dude:  Anything if you're gonna ask like that.

Me::     Can you take me…  off your calling list.

Dude:  …You're a frosty lady.

Me::     No, but I am a wonderful one.  Thanks for your call.

And I hang up


missrenie: (Default)

Me:      god damn’t I need to kick something
            (GASP)
            i figured it out
           i'm horny!!!

 

Kris:    well, there you go  you need a friend with benefits

 

Me:      I have not been horny for a long time ... this sucks ass!!!
            jesus how was I ever a productive human being
            I can't even think straight
            I'm craving caffeine
            I’m moody as hell
            I am not sleeping well
           and i'm hyper aware of my poor vagina

 

Kris:    you're in a crappy situation

 

Me:      fuck
           oh well

 

Kris:    what about some of your bi friends

 

Me:      they are all in the friend zone and hello!!! bi does not = slut whore.  I will just have to suck it up like  everyone else

 

Kris:    no I mean why can't you ask them to help you find a fuck buddy?

 

Me:      because bi doesn’t = slut whore… and well I never really considered a fuck buddy I mean I don't know if i can do it
spanking someone is one thing,
raunchy play is one thing
sex is another
I deeply enjoy sex and I don't think I can have a fuck buddy
but ask me again in a month

 

Kris:    I'll ask you again in 4 minutes

 

Me:      hahahha
            so you do know me well

 

Kris:    yes

 

Kris:    so are you going to get a fuck buddy

 

Me:      you suck.


missrenie: (Default)
 

5:30am

Me:      I had this really weird dream last night…

Terick: Really?

Me:      Yeah, I dreamed that I was hungry and I was looking for something to eat.  I didn't want Jack in the Box or McNasties I wanted Whole Foods but I couldn't find one so I was like- fuck it and went home.

Terick: Wow that's odd.

Me:      Why?

Terick: I had the same dream.

Me:      Really

Terick: Yep… but instead of food it was sex.

evil?

Apr. 28th, 2006 01:30 pm
missrenie: (Default)

Me: omg I love BabyFace's songs.. hes all like "if I cry like a baby... if I told you I was crazy...im so sorry.. living without you life is hell... it's kiling me... I dont want to die tonight but I think I might because the only one I care about is no where to be found... I dont want to wake up tomorrow...cause your my reason for breathing"... and other pitiful things
Me: I laugh my ass off all the time listening to his music
Me: does that make me a bad person?
Me: I laugh harder at the people who listen to it during a break up
Me: does that make me a worse person?
Me: what if the person was my own brother?
Me: does that make me evil?
kris: no
kris: you were already evil
kris: pre-Babyface

 

 

missrenie: (Default)

  

kris : I'm working late tonight
kris : goddess only knows how late
Me: do you need me to help?
kris: nothing for you to do
Me: k
kris : I have to do all the entry this week
kris : and I'm lagging because I was swamped yesterday
Me: ahhh
kris : and now I get word that my assistant is getting sick
kris : so with her gone tomorrow and *** working form home, I'm guaranteed to get nothing done
Me: you'll get done as much as you can... the only really important things is knowing that you did what you could despite what others say... if you put your best foot forward then you are always in the right
kris: ok
Me: then
kris : that was creepy
Me: you can take that foot
kris : lol
kris: there we go
Me: and kick them
Me: in the azz
kris : you were sounding like a Stepford Wife
Me: lol

 

 

Feelin': devious

Sounds surrounding me: Baby Face (soon as I get home from work)

Thursday

Mar. 2nd, 2006 12:37 pm
missrenie: (Default)

 

kris: I'm going to invent a gel-touch keyboard for people who have to do alot of data entry cause my fingers are sore and I barely started
Me: there are gel touch keyboards
kris: damn
Me: im going to invent a self spelling correcter keyboard
Me: that you can train
Me: so you never need to learn how to spell
kris: they have software called T9 that does that
Me: shit
kris : lol
Me: :)
kris : I have it on my phone
Me: really... a spell checker on your phone
Me: wait
Me: phones come with spell checkers
Me: but you dont use complete words when tex messaging a phone do you
Me: I mean really
Me: are you messing with my head
Me: you know how easy that is
Me: help the walls are closing in
Me: Im still to embarrased to ask about land sharks
Me: hey hello
Me: im freaking out here
Me: ...
Me: its getting dark
Me: ...
Me: walls closing in
Me: ...
Me: reality warping
kris : what the hell is wrong with you
kris : T9 is a software installed on my phone for text messaging
kris : don't make me come all the way downtown to slap some sense into you
kris : it's Thursday
kris : we're almost there

 

 

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