Aug. 30th, 2010 12:12 pm
missrenie: (Default)
[personal profile] missrenie
I've been eating fire for the past few months. 
Dre had noticed it. 
Everything has been all cayenne and chili pepper flakes, wasabi, ginger and garlic, noodles doused in unnaturally flaming crimson  Sriracha Roster sauce, Louisiana Crystal Hot red dripping from a white and blue bottle burning down my throat.  I've been eating fire to keep from screaming my own red hot rage.

It hurts.
It's eating me inside out until I started to let it out.
It still hurts
It's burning me inside out until its all gone away

I'm thirsty now
I've been crying
My own tears trying to smoother flames gone wild and out of control.

My body seems to remember tears even if my spirit has forgotten them.

They come often now... wet hot visitors leaving trails straight from my eyes and down to my heart.
I wipe them away from left side of my face after  waking from a dreamless sleep
I tilt my head back from clients as I work on them so they won't get caught in my rain
They come in the shower as warm as the water washing over me

They are coming now

I thought long and hard last night as I watched white smoke curl up from the burning  incense.  Sticks  stuck in the earthen bowl filled with the salt.  Filled with remnants of the sun kissed ocean's tears.  As the sound of drums temporarily filled in the cracks of my temporarily broken spirit. 

This is a good thing.

I am feeling.  I am feeling all these things because I am finally surrounded by all the people, places and things that make me feel safe enough to do so.  The collective, protective, purifying salt, my feet planted firmly in the earth and they hold me there like roots and keep me from falling over, falling down, falling dead.  

I'm screaming, spewing fire from my spirit and it's dangerous.  It's harming me but the tears are soothing it, washing it clean making a steam of it so all those angry spirits, all those lost ghosts within can rise up and out and away into the dark night to be cleansed and reborn.

I'm thirsty now
I can hardly keep up
I'm drowning in them
but the sun's gonna come out
I'll dance a heathen spiral and summon it to me
We'll kiss the pain away
And all that will be left will be bueatiful diamonds shining in the light

I'm finally not ashamed to cry.
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